sitting pretty magazine

Pregnancy Miracle is an ebook that shows women become pregnant

2011-10-23T22:39:00.001-07:00

Women who are looking for options to help you get pregnant may have stumbled on a book called Miracle Pregnancy. However, they have an important question about this book Pregnancy Miracle. Does it work? Before answering this question, let me explain what this book is.

Pregnancy Miracle is an ebook that shows women become pregnant. It is only a guide. This is a real system that if followed, can help to get pregnant quickly and naturally, regardless of any fertility problems you may have or how old they are. So, does it work? This is a true story.

More than 7 years, Beth had been trying to conceive. During this time, had spent thousands of dollars on expensive infertility treatments. She had three cycles of IVF and intrauterine insemination attempts were unsuccessful after several attempts. I was not looking at a good Beth.

However, by mistake, happened to come across the book Pregnancy Miracle. After reading the book and following the guidelines as directed, found herself holding a positive pregnancy test after only 5 weeks. She was able to conceive naturally without any drugs or medical procedures just by doing what is mentioned in the book.

The book cost less than $ 40 and was able to help you get pregnant. He spent thousands in fertility treatments that do not involve much success. He spent seven years trying to conceive and once you have this book, she was able to conceive in 5 weeks. Therefore, miracle pregnancy book ... Does it work? I think we pretty much have the answer if you've read all the way to the end of this article. The answer is quite clear.

Get Started in Jewelry Design: These Books Will Show You How

2011-10-23T22:26:00.001-07:00

The jewelry making techniques are fairly simple, but the art involved requires an understanding of basic design concepts in order to succeed. Take a course in jewelry design at a local art school or continue with the Ed is great, but if that is not possible, or if you want to expand their knowledge of jewelry design beyond the scope of their instructor, then a or more of these books will give you a great start.

Author Elizabeth Olver has both the subject of jewelry design and its readers seriously in his book The Art of Jewelry Design: From concept to reality (North Light Books, 2002). The book combines detailed hand-drawn illustrations and dramatic color photographs with the solids content includes essential design tools, the stages of the design process, the various elements of jewelry design and creative concepts involved in jewelry design success. Creative concepts, as defined by Olver and are listed in the table of contents of the book are "organic, geometric, abstract, narrative, figurative, symbolic, fashion icons, the series well," and "sculpture". This book will help you find your own style of jewelry making based on a sound understanding of the design.

If your taste in jewelry accounts runs the Book of Accounts: a practical guide and inspiration for beads and jewelry making, by authors Janet Coles and Robert Budwig (Simon & Schuster, 1990), covers the basic design concepts jewelry with pearls and presents detailed instructions for a variety of projects. The book also contains many photos and descriptions of a multitude of accounts and covers the entire process involved in creating earrings, bracelets, necklaces and brooches decorative.

More basic, but very funny, The Art of Making Jewelry by Deborah Krupenia, Tammy Powley, Jessica Wrobel and (Thunder Bay Press, 2005), covers the tools and materials used in the manufacture of jewelry, including glass standard metal and ceramic supplies, and more unusual materials such as paper and paper mache. The book provides specific instructions for a wide range of projects using a variety of techniques, and profiles of twenty renowned jewelry artists and their work.

Each book illustrates the basic techniques, but then takes them in very different directions, resulting in a wide range of artistic styles that can act as a source of inspiration for budding jewelry designer. Each one in particular offers strong technical knowledge of the jewelry, which together provide an excellent introduction to the creative range available in this unique art form.

Free Jewelry is a Real Thing - Jewelry Home Show Hostess Success Tips

2011-10-23T22:21:00.000-07:00

The representative of the jewelry sale will it sound easy to do, and presenting a program of home jewelry can be simple, but if you want to maximize sales, and therefore, the amount of free jewelry that you can gain from the series, then you will find the following checklist useful.

SELECTION OF A DATE AND TIME

The date and time of your party jewelry can help increase sales. A month or two months before graduation, Christmas or any holiday gift you can take your guests are already in the mood for shopping. Book a spectacle fit for the winter holidays can be difficult, however. I attended a jewelry show in early October, and reserve all the time available for delivery on vacation and had been taken, so plan early if you want the extra boost of Christmas and holiday jewelry sales . If you happen to be at a party by the pool in July, do not delay, book in November or December show then!

The day of the week and time must also be considered. During football season, a celebration of Sunday afternoon may be time very well, with many women who want to escape from his armchair athlete men-folk for a couple of hours. Super Bowl Sunday might be an exception to this example. Saturday is often "mission day" for women who work at the end of the afternoon, around the cocktail hour might be the right time. Part 3:00 pm or 4:00 may be the last stop before going home to prepare for the night. Saturday night can also be a good time for a party, depending on the mix of customers to invite. If your guests are available during the weekday, morning jewelry shows your home can be a welcome break from the routine.

Usually the duration of a game is two hours. Your friends may want to stay up late, however, the sales staff have to pack up and go home after a couple of hours and, in general, two hours is enough time for everyone to explore, test samples of jewelry, and place orders.

DEFINE YOUR ROLE AS HOST

Once you have booked your jewelry home party show, take a few minutes for yourself and to define its role. Some sales representatives will provide you invitations, postcards and a guide on how to prepare for his show. When the invitations are delivered, the hostess is expected to address and mail your invitations. At a recent party Silpada jewelry, the sales rep said she only needed the guest list and addresses, and her address and send the invitations. This is less work and more convenient for the hostess, and the representative can build your mailing list at the same time.
You are encouraged to promote your next party. Do you feel comfortable doing so. Not everyone was PT Barnum.

Build a list of INVITATION

The guest list needs careful thought, especially with something like the jewelry, which for most people is a luxury, not a necessity. Although there is no obligation to buy, once a visitor arrives and begins to be seen, the expectation of an order to grow, and not all jewelry displays offers the symbolic element, affordable for everyone.

If you know someone who is looking for a source of income, and which seem suitable for sale, then you might want to attend to learn more about joining the company as a sales associate. This can benefit the homeowner, because many companies reward the hostess with additional products or credits if someone signs in as a result of his show.

Draw the names of many places in your social network, including co-workers, church friends, co-teaches, book group partners, neighbors, relatives, friends, quilting circle, PTA parents or day care, etc.. A mixture of people add interest to all. Wait about 30 percent of your guest list to attend your party, so encourage your guests to bring a friend. It is also a good idea for order catalogs out. The sales associate if the supply of catalogs for jewelry and forms you need.

PREPARING YOUR HOME FOR SHOW AND FOOD TIPS

In general, the RSVP date on a home program of jewelry is 2-3 days before the event. This will give the homeowner time to clean house, shop and prepare foods and beverages. In planning what to serve, the following guidelines may be helpful. Keep the food easy to eat in one or two bites. They serve food that requires a fork and plate. If both hands are occupied, guests can not be treated in jewelry and active
look at the screen. Let your guests a Bitesize brownie pop, cookies and carrot sauce and continue shopping!

Do not give sticky foods, people also will be handling the jewelry, and you do not want to gum up with sticky glaze buffalo sauce.

Try a new recipe - if it is a success, then you will have the opportunity to hear the praise and help with the conversation. If the recipe is a failure, will have leftovers to feed the dog.

If appropriate to do so, the wine offers a tip punch or cocktails such as Mimosas, cosmopolitan, or Peach Bellini. Hot cider with rum would be a welcome drink on a winter afternoon. They offer these as well as coffee drinks, tea and soft drinks will help guests relax in what could be a stressful situation. It also adds a festive atmosphere. It's a good idea to limit the availability of alcoholic beverages.

Display Location

When deciding where to display the jewelry at home, keep in mind that food, as usual, will attract guests. If you have an open kitchen / family room, having food in the vicinity of the display of jewelry is very simple. If the room is best suited for the presentation of jewelry, then threw his food in that room, with tables and coffee table food and beverages, and a folding table set jewelry. You could work in reverse, and centralize food, while the spread of jewelry around the room, but you could invite theft and presents a logistical challenge for the sales staff. The main thing is to keep the flow of traffic moving to and from food and jewels to keep your guests on their feet and active, and less likely to find a corner of a long chat updating.

LIGHTING

Proper lighting is very important for jewelry sales. Make sure there is enough light to see the details, colors and jewels from the jewelry on display, and allow guests to see clearly when testing samples of jewelry. The next time you are shopping in a store, boutique, gallery or museum shop, take note of the lighting, because it can provide a good model for your party.

MIRRORS

Mirrors are a welcome tool in a show of jewelry. It is likely that the sales associate know and have a mirror standing on the display table, but it is wise to have another close or be sure to welcome your guests to use the bathroom or hallway mirror. Mirrors help sell jewelry, so make sure buyers see how beautiful you are using a necklace or earrings.

Placing Orders

When it comes to ordering, your guests and the sales staff need privacy, so they created a space in a separate room or in a corner where there isn'ta table or desk and a couple of places to sit. This will allow discreet operation.

OTHER CONSIDERATIONS

The work as a flight attendant goes a little beyond the opening of his home and offering good spirits. Try to keep people focused on jewelry, though side conversations are taking place. Staying near the jewelry and keep the conversation around that area will help people stay close. No need to actively sell the product, but do what you can to prevent the establishment of a sales associate afloat in a social iceberg. A not very loud live music can help with mood, as with any party.

DOOR PRIZE SUGGESTIONS

Often, during the presentation of stand-up of the company and the jewelry, the sales staff will provide a door prize to break the ice. As a good hostess, with a small non-perishable items on hand in case of accident will be well appreciated by the sales representative as well as the guest. I attended a party where the prize of the door had melted the chocolate in a day unusually warm. The sales rep quickly recovered with a cleaning cloth to produce, however, the homeowner might want to consider a backup point-to-hand as a small packet of tea or coffee, or a small bottle of hand lotion.

However, a little planning and logistical considerations earn rewards brilliant jewelry sales strong.

TIPS FOR SALE ASSOCIATE

Trust - make sure that the line is being offered a guarantee without problems.

Be on time. Do not overstay your visit.

It has more of a mirror.

Having a flexible screen plan to adapt to many different scenarios that they face. Keep it simple so you can assemble and disassemble in a short period of time.

We will gladly take some of the jewels of its product line.

Dress well. Do not wear perfume, many people suffer from allergies, and the perfume can aggravate.

Keep your presentation brief and to the point.

We try to offer some elements of cash and carry basis for those who do not want to wait for an order of arrival. This may mean having to store a small amount of inventory, but if they are moderately priced, best sellers, then it will not hold for long.

Bring your own folding table to ensure they have adequate viewing space.

Bring a lamp so that you can be sure you have enough lighting in the right place. Maybe a screen can be used for hanging jewelry, and add light to the room.

Offering ideas for gambling games can boost sales. Not everyone has a knack for mixing the complementary jewelry. If you can make it easier, sales increased most likely yours.

Offer an incentive to book a show, while at the party. Be sure to reward the hostess for reservations made at the fair.

Check out the game a day early to ensure the provision of venue.

Are you limited to the sample at home, or business / work some places that are willing to consider? People who work appreciate the opportunity to buy during your lunch hour. This is especially true for those who can not leave their building during breaks. The medical community and schools are two examples.

TIPS jewelry manufacturer

The construction of her jewelry well enough so that you can confidently offer a warranty with no problems.

If your jewelry is one-of-a-kind, consider offering some limited edition pieces. Your customers want to buy something special, although it costs a dollar or two more.

Be sure to offer the symbol jewelry item easily accessible. The ideal would be to design a piece of each category that you make.

Buy your parts from reliable suppliers. Want to sell as many of its most popular items as possible. A reliable source of supply can provide components when you need them.

Knowing your sales associates. You want to be sure you are representing your company and appreciate knowing that their principal.

Keep simple and attractive packaging. File boxes with as hot stamped logo or name on the label is appropriate.

If you have a catalog, the images show the actual size and easy to see.

Make sure your pricing formula ensures that the models are well compensated for their time.

Consider offer fundraising options for the program. Nonprofits of all parties need to save time, opportunities to raise capital for their programs.

Do not forget to thank the host after their show at home. Through its sales associate who has been a guest in their home.

Dating Advice Book: 'Secrets of Natural Attraction' Helps You Get Any Woman

2011-10-23T22:15:00.000-07:00

The secrets of natural attraction advice book dating was written to help any man out there to learn to be attractive to women. Many children have difficulty women approach, and when they do, they end up caught the attention of women.

Fortunately, this dating advice guide was created to help kids who struggle with these situations. The book's author, John Alanis, was once in the position of those who can not seem to get a date with a pretty girl. Now, however, must reject women. With this book of dating tips, you want to show the ease with which this can be done.

John Alanis starts with teaching readers the different ways that you should not try to attract women. You will be surprised how many of these errors than men. These are common ideas that kids think that working to get the attention of a woman, but they are actually hurting your chances of getting an appointment. Many of these will earn the label of being just a "nice guy" no one is really interested in. If you learn to avoid mistakes in this book of dating tips, you can increase your ability to get women to be noticed you.

The secrets of natural attraction guide dating advice also mentions the need to build "systems of attraction." This means positioned to attract the attention of females, without much effort. Most work is done in advance, and you can receive "residual" is about women long after they have laid the initial groundwork. There may be some maintenance involved too, but nothing too difficult for you to manage.

Basically, all you want is yourself up seems to be the "authority figure" on the rest of the men in the room. This book dating advice can show you how to do this quickly and easily. Not only this dating advice book will teach you how to make women approach him, which also shares what to do when the first "hello" is spoken.

There are things you should do if I want to drive away the lady. You will have to take the right steps to secure a date and make sure she appears. Also, make sure that she is the kind of girl for you, and this can be done at the initial meeting. Think about what you look for in a woman long before they start to take interest in you to make this an easy process. If you've been looking for the best ways to attract women, the secrets of natural attraction book is right for you.

Finding a woman who is interested in you and it is not impossible. This dating advice book that comes with all the necessary steps to continue to have a lot of women who want to spend time with you.

sitting pretty magazine

2011-10-17T05:14:00.001-07:00

welcome world

Sitting Pretty bids farewell

2008-12-19T05:45:00.000-08:00

After nearly four years of blogging, I’m officially retiring Sitting Pretty. Since 2006 my posts have always first appeared over at Queercents before being published here. As life gets busier, I’m less motivated to maintain this blog for the mere sake of archiving my personal content.

If you’re still interested in following along, then you can read my posts at this link or feel free to bookmark it here:

http://www.queercents.com/author/nina/

Or better yet, just subscribe to the Queercents feed and you’ll be able to read my posts along with the growing number of Queercents writers… We’re here, we’re queer and we’re not going shopping without coupons!

Be well and prosper.

Happy ending to Fertility and Finances category

2008-12-10T06:02:00.000-08:00

Fertility treatments: $15,600

Sperm donor and other fees: $5,000

Three IVF procedures: $34,400

Deciding to Adopt: $30,000

Becoming a parent: Priceless

Since many of you followed our story (fertility and finances) over the last couple of years, I wanted to let readers know that our darling newborn arrived on Monday. His name is Sam. We’re home now and everyone is healthy, happy and eating every three hours.

Spending $85,000 never felt better.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Ten Money Questions for Cooper Smith

2008-12-05T05:49:00.000-08:00

Cooper Smith is the editor-in-chief & publisher of Gay List Daily, a snarky, but superbly useful e-zine that boasts daily editions. I’ve dubbed it the DailyCandy for homosexuals. Cooper, who leads a public relations firm in his spare time, is the master at getting the word out on all things gay.

After all, just look at his Queercents endorsement: “Did you know that when the economy is down, booze sales go up? Shake yourself a martini and log on now!” Spot on suggestion! Now, we’ve turned the spotlight around and asked for his comments on all things money. List away…

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Equity Line of Credit: Seek Other Financial Shelter

2008-12-03T06:02:00.000-08:00

“As long as the music is playing, you’ve got to get up and dance.” – Charles O. Prince, III, former CEO of Citigroup

Earlier this year, the HELOC on our Newport Beach home was reduced to practically nothing and the line on one of my rental properties was suspended completely. Both notices came as a result of the decline in home values.

I could argue that our house in Newport still has equity – covering at least, if not more, than the original amount of the equity line. In order to reinstate it, we would need to hire Citibank’s exclusive appraiser (LSI) at our cost – which back then was quoted at $750. But even if I went through this whole process, Citibank could rescind the reinstated credit line at any time according to the terms of the agreement since property values continue to decline.

After I wrote those posts, the blogosphere quickly took me to school about other people’s money. While I never used these lines of credit, I considered them part of my “peace of mind” strategy. That said, it’s nearly a year later and despite the warnings, I’m still here, paying my mortgage in Newport and on my rental properties.

So when the latest “your line of credit has been suspended” letter arrived the other day, I half glanced at it - out of curiosity - and to understand the current reasons. This HELOC (for $21,000 – and never used) was on a single family home I purchased in 2002 for $136,000. Recent / comparable sales in the neighborhood are in the $180,000 to $200,000 range. I owe $101,000 on the property – I have equity. But that’s not the problem. This time they’re placing the blame – not on declining property values – but on Lehman Brother’s:

Dear Customer,

GreenPoint Mortgage Funding, Inc. services your home equity line of credit, which was sold to Lehman Brothers, Inc. some time ago. As the servicer, GreenPoint is responsible for temporarily advancing draws against your line of credit.

Lehman Brothers’ recent bankruptcy has created a situation where GreenPoint is not being reimbursed for those draws, making it imprudent for GreenPoint to continue advancing the funds. As a result, your line of credit has been suspended.

We appreciate how well you have managed your account, and we sincerely apologize for this inconvenience.

The reckless days of lending are finally over although the letter ended with this provision:

We may still allow line advances in cases of extreme financial hardship. If you believe you qualify, or it you have any question, please contact us at…

I’m sure GreenPoint will be getting a lot of calls this week. Of course, not from me. My peace of mind is banked in other places these days. What about you? Feel free to comment over at Queercents.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Life Insurance: More dependents, more premium

2008-12-01T06:21:00.000-08:00

“The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.” – Lee Iacocca

With the birthmother due in mid-December, our baby’s arrival is just around the corner. We saw her over the long weekend and if looks are the last signal, then it could be any day now. Jeanine and I came home and blitzed the house in final preparation.

We’re geared up: Yesterday, a friend stopped over with her 7-month-old and when it came time to change her diaper we took the nursery for a trial run. Our set up worked perfectly and appears to be adequately equipped. One diaper down!

There are a few other loose ends… mostly the kind that involve paperwork. Upping our life insurance policy is one of them. When I was single, I never carried life insurance because I had enough in savings to cover the final expenses to put me in the ground.

After Jeanine and I purchased our current home, we became more financially intertwined (thus dependent on each other) and this is when we first bought life insurance policies. It was term insurance… don’t get snookered into buying whole life. After all, the purpose of life insurance is really just to keep a person financially afloat if his or her partner passes on. Life insurance is meant to buy someone time… preferable enough time to cut expenses or find another partner that would bring in the missing income. Jeanine likes to remind me that the additional income scenario sounds better to her than cutting expenses. Apparently, we are all replaceable!

Now with the baby on its way, this topic seems even more important and begs the question: how much insurance do we need? Just like with retirement calculators, there are different formulas for figuring out the right amount. Trent Hamm at The Simple Dollar writes:

If you have child dependents, though, that’s when you really need good life insurance coverage. Take out a sheet of paper, find your last Social Security benefits statement, and do this calculation: calculate 90% of your salary, subtract your dependent Social Security benefit from that, then divide that amount by 0.08. That number is roughly what you should have in life insurance if you have any dependent children.

Here’s an example. Freddy has a wife, a child, and an $85,000 a year job. His Social Security statement reveals that his dependent benefit is about $11,000 a year. So Freddy calculates 90% of his salary ($76,500), subtracts his dependent’s benefits (leaving $65,500), and divides that amount by 0.08 to get $818,750 in term life insurance.

Using Trent’s method, my calculation is three times more than the policy I currently have today. And Jeanine’s policy is half the amount that I have. We figured since I travel worldwide for my job, there is a greater risk of tragedy for me (e.g. consider the recent events in Mumbai). Jeanine dislikes talking about these matters… but I’m practical and a realist and it actually makes me feel less uneasy about the unknown knowing that we have planned properly. For Jeanine… this conversation just leads to the hebejebes.

But it’s really important to discuss and take action; especially now that we have this tiny bundle of joy completely dependent on us. Yes, we’re under insured and I’ll be calling our State Farm rep this week. That said, the amount we need is varies widely depending on the person dishing out the advice. For example, Suze Orman suggests:

Most people should get a 20-year level term policy that has a value equal to 20 times the amount of annual income your family needs to live securely.

Twenty times my annual income? Other personal finance authors say at least 8 times your annual income. So what’s the right amount? I’m curious to learn what other parents have done so please feel free to comment below.

In closing, I was searching GetRichSlowly for J.D. Roth’s take on this topic and found this guest post that came with a different reminder:

You are more likely to get sick during your working years than you are to die during the same period, so take care of that first.

So this means I should really be thinking about my disability insurance first or at least in parallel. How much disability insurance do we need? Is the offer that I get from employer enough? Probably not, since short-term disability benefits are typically better than the long-term ones. One more thing to add to the list of baby preparation… but it’s a list I’m happy to make! We are so excited about the arrival of our little dependent. Life is good… even when it requires paying for more insurance!

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Buy Nothing Day: Spend a Day without Spending

2008-11-28T05:36:00.000-08:00

It’s that special day of the year – the day after Thanksgiving! Some call it Black Friday. Others call it Buy Nothing Day:

Though rushing to the mall or local CrapMart the day after Thanksgiving has become trad for millions of Americans, many Americans spend Black Friday boycotting shopping altogether in protest. Buy Nothing Day — promoted since the early 1990s by the zany culture jammers at Adbusters — has become a holiday for anti-consumerist folk who enjoy taking a stand against all the shopping and spending that inevitably produces lots of debt, trash and disappointment (that American Apparel hoodie didn’t really fix the interminable gnawing feeling in your soul, now did it?)

More info can be found at the Adbusters web site:

Now in its 17th year, Buy Nothing Day is celebrated every November by environmentalists, social activists and concerned citizens in over 65 countries around the world. Over the years, Buy Nothing Day (followed by Buy Nothing Christmas) has exploded into a global movement, inspiring the world’s citizens to live more simply and buy a whole lot less.

Designed to coincide with Black Friday… the festival takes many shapes, from relaxed family outings, to free, non-commercial street parties, to politically charged public protests, credit-card cut-ups and pranks and shenanigans of all kinds. Anyone can take part provided they spend a day without spending.

I can’t think of a better way to confront the economic meltdown head-on – buy nothing! Today. And tomorrow we’ll try to buy less than we did yesterday.

I will be buying nothing today. Will you? Feel free to comment over at Queercents.

Image credit: rogerwendell.com.

Happy Recession: Layoffs in the blogosphere

2008-11-26T05:21:00.000-08:00

Because your Tumblr and Tweets, while clever, will not pay your bills.” – the folks at SixApart.com, creators of TypePad.

Big blogs, little blogs, straight blogs, gay blogs… apparently, the economy has taken its toll on the viability of online journalism. Thankfully, we write about money here at Queercents. Traffic is up. I wonder why.

But traffic alone isn’t an indication of a healthy business. Believe you me. As example, take The New York Times… Just this week, I read the news that one of my favorite bloggers, Marci Alboher, keeper of its Shifting Careers column at NYTimes.com was laid off from her non-job:

Earlier this month I learned that The Times had decided to discontinue this blog. Suddenly, so many of the things I report and write about have been thrown right onto my own doorstep.

…the decision was made in response to the economic realities of the media industry, which is a polite way of saying that newspapers are in difficult financial shape.

I count Marci as a professional friend; inviting me to guest post, not once, but twice, and the only time my mother gave me an attagirl for my writing efforts. I’m sure it had more to do with seeing The New York Times logo two inches above my head than the quality of my guest posts… mom remains a hard sell with my queer content at Queercents. So thanks, Marci!

But admiration doesn’t pay the bills as Marci recently learned. And damn, that seems unfair.

Another site hit hard last week was OurChart.com. From the editor, Grace Moon:

According to the LGBT News site the Advocate.com, “word came down Friday afternoon that OurChart.com will be shutting off all content effective immediately. Editor Grace Moon notified the staff of contributors and bloggers via e-mail on Friday afternoon. Moon said in the e-mail that the entire staff had been let go and that Friday would be her last day.”

You gotta love it when personal messages become public. Yesterday, I did indeed send out a personal email to all of the contributors of OurChart to let them know of the abrupt termination of my employment and their contributions to OC.

Almost a year ago I was hired by OurChart to be its managing editor. At the time the site, which had begun as a social networking space, was moving towards creating a more robust editorial component. I had previously worked for six years in the trenches of print, creating and managing Velvetpark Magazine. Moving from print to digital was totally illuminating. I realized that online content is actually a cacophony of live conversations that echo across the interwebs like yodelers on the Alps.

Her farewell continues on: catch it at VelvetPark or Bilerico where it seems to be the big news in queer media.

Aside from some of our favorite online personalities being forced to shift to other gigs, the real story continues to be the economy. And writers are feeling the pinch. Perhaps, it’s a good time to pick up a copy of My So-Called Freelance Life by Michelle Goodman or take SixApart up on its TypePad Journalist Bailout Program:

Hello, recently-laid-off or fearful-of-layoffs journalist! We’re Six Apart (you know us as the nice folks who make Movable Type or TypePad, which maybe you used for blogging at your old newspaper or magazine) and we want to help you.

Click over quickly, since their offer will end long before the recession. Now back to the business of Queercents. In an email exchange with the Marci mentioned above, I was bemoaning these challenging times and she replied:

“I see the quandary with Queercents. Figuring out a sustainable revenue model for these content vehicles is quite the conundrum.”

I love any writer that can pack sentences with words like quandary and conundrum. It’s just a bummer that Queercents is smack dab in the middle of it. So while I’m not announcing any layoffs there – after all, we’re all thankless volunteers – please take this time to stop by Queercents and give your favorite contributor an attaboy or attagirl or attaqueer as we prepare for our short Thanksgiving break. They all love comments. Yours truly, included.

Happy Recession. We’re all in this together!

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Ten Money Questions for Peterson Toscano

2008-11-21T05:56:00.000-08:00

Ex-gay survivor and queer quirky Quaker, Peterson Toscano is a theatrical performance activist. His one-person show about how he tried to de-gay himself for a number of years is now available on DVD.

As some of you might know, therapy and residential treatment programs cost money… and Peterson spent a lot of coin before moving beyond the ex-gay movement. That being said, he’s paid a price for his activism too.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Review: How to Profit from the Coming Rapture

2008-11-19T05:53:00.000-08:00

The Rapture is coming, the Rapture is coming! Oy!

This Christmas, I’ve found the perfect book for my family’s white elephant gift exchange. It’s called: How to Profit from the Coming Rapture… a snarky, how-to manual about where and when to invest when the world comes to an end. Of course, I’m the only one in my Christ-like clan that will need this advice since the gays are guaranteed (along with the Jews!) to be left behind.

Speaking of Jews, Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman, authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane, put this little investment gem together (may I call it a bible?). If you grew up in a church that thrived on “end times” storytelling, now is the time to finally profit from all those Sunday night altar calls. If you need me to explain what an “altar call” is, then you might not fully appreciate this book’s humor. And it is classified as humor… at least according to the Library of Congress Cataloging system. My family is not laughing, but they are praying for me. Why?

Because the Rapture is indeed coming! And this means only one thing to me: investment opportunities! Weiner and Davilman are here to teach us:

… how to exploit the inevitable demise of the world in order to make a tidy profit. Sure, the rivers and seas will run with blood, locusts will swarm, mountains will move all over the place, and famine will strike. But for the five billion of us left behind, the post-Rapture world will be a time of even more unique investment opportunities.

And teach they do. But first, take the test to find out if you’re ready for the Rapture? It’s a short questionnaire that quickly weeds out the Armageddon lightweights: “I’m thinking of a number between 665 and 667. What is it?”

But don’t take my word for it. I leave you with a better review of the book than I could possibly write:

A hilarious, light read marked with a snarky matter-of-fact attitude, “How to Profit from the Coming Rapture” dances carefree on the line of offensive. Throughout, our doomsday experts are either feigning seriousness and dread over what the book of Revelations foretells by remarking unabashedly how distressing, terrible, etc. it will be, or reminding us that, regardless of how ridiculous the prophecies (horses with lions’ heads and snakes’ tales, stars made of wormwood falling to the planet and one third of vaguely everything being destroyed) may sound, they must be true because they’re all actually in the Bible — and cited. So it’s not really blasphemous, just caustically mocking.

Feel free to laugh all the way to the bank. Of course, you’ll need the Mark of the Beast to open an account. But don’t fret; the book has all these important steps covered. Go forth and profit!

Giveaway Alert: I have two copies to giveaway. Head over to Queercents and tell me why you’re going to be Left Behind and I’ll select the best two comments and mail out the book. By the way, you get bonus points for naming the Anti-Christ. Hint: Madonna is not the Anti-Christ, at least not over there at that fine blog!

Image credit: How to Profit from the Coming Rapture.

When celebrities fly coach (or at least on a commercial airline).

2008-11-17T05:48:00.000-08:00

“Come fly the Friendly Skies.” – United Airlines commercial, circa 1987

Diddy isn’t the only celebrity flying commercial these days. In the past 2 months, I’ve seen Eva Mendes, Ron Howard, Paula Abdul and Carson Kressley – either inflight or at the airport.

I think Brian Grazer was traveling with Ron Howard, but I couldn’t tell for sure. It’s a big no-no to gawk in the Admirals Club VIP lounge; but apparently he was enjoying the complimentary salad bar while bypassing me and that lovely platter of warm goat cheese crostini.

Jeanine was with me on that trip. We were returning from vacation (and my year-end mileage run) and I remember thinking, wow; times must be tough. While some might argue that Ron Howard isn’t exactly A-List, he is at least a thousand times richer than Carson Kressley (sorry, Carson!) and yet, here he was flying with the masses out of JFK. It reminds me of the time that Glenn Close had a middle seat on JetBlue!

Are all these celebs feeling the economic crunch just like the rest of us? The LA Times thinks so:

Stars really are just like us. Celebrities and other VIP types increasingly are bypassing snazzy fuel-guzzling private jets for something less glamorous, maybe even flying — can you believe it? — coach.

Sean “Diddy” Combs recently made a splash on the Internet when he waved his coach-class ticket for a video camera and greeted surprised fellow travelers on an American Airlines flight, complaining that lofty fuel costs had grounded his private jet. Combs’ publicists later said that the video was a spoof to dramatize high oil prices and that, since Combs was only a part owner, the jet was never actually grounded.

For the rest of us, the high cost of flying has wiped the smile off the friendly skies, propelling a wholesale lowering of expectations among travelers…

Even though oil is well off its record highs, bringing the U.S. average gas price for self-serve regular to about $3.05 a gallon, the average price of the high-octane fuels used by small aircraft is about $5.35 a gallon but can cost nearly $9 at some airports, according to AirNav.com, which provides data to help pilots plan flights.

It continues on, so click over to learn why Michelle Williams (the former Destiny’s Child member) isn’t ashamed to be flying with the people these days. Of course, they’re not all flying coach.

Eva Mendes was snuggled into a business class window seat; adequately buffered by her entourage on a direct flight from JFK to Rome until she signed autographs 30 minutes before landing. Until then, I didn’t even realize it was her…although I remember making a note to self when the skinny girl declined the warm mixed nuts. Size zeros always pass on the nuts.

I’ve been traveling for work for over a decade and I’ve seen more celebs in the last few months than in all my-road-warrior-years combined. What do you think? Is it really a sign of the times or just chance? Feel free to comment over at Queercents.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Ten Money Questions for Nina Poon

2008-11-14T06:50:00.000-08:00

Over the last 25 years, Kenneth Cole and his advertisements have been topical and relevant to our ever-changing world. His recent campaign continues to raise social awareness and the exquisite Nina Poon is front and center when it comes to this non-uniform thinking. As a transgender model, makeup artist and illustrator, she has a few things to say about money and a-wear-ness!

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Frequent Fliers: The Year End Mileage Run

2008-11-10T06:41:00.000-08:00

“The glamour of the frequent-flier award has faded.” – Anonymous

Last year, I was 2,602 miles shy of Executive Platinum status on American Airlines so I did a mileage run. What’s a mileage run? Travel novice, listen up! A mileage run, as articulated by Wikipedia, is:

A paid airline trip designed solely for gaining maximum frequent flyer miles and/or points for no other reason than to gain the miles and/or points… Another common reason to take a mileage run is to (re-)qualify for an elite level. Suppose that in a particular frequent flyer program, 70,000 yearly miles are required for Platinum status. If a person calculates that his or her business travel will net them only 65,000 miles, they might be tempted to take a mileage run in order to cover the difference and re-qualify for elite status. Indeed, such requalification may very well net the person much more frequent flyer miles the following year.

Why does elite status matter? Executive Platinum is the Holy Grail for frequent flyers and provides perks and benefits that a true road-warrior can appreciate. For me personally, it was all about the eight (yes 8!) System-Wide Upgrades (VIP Upgrades) that can be used to move me from coach to business class on international flights. I have plenty of 500-mile upgrades in my account (31 to be precise), but these are valid on domestic flights only and I rarely get to use them.

What did my mileage run cost me last year? $850 – and if you divide $850 by 14 months (I was guaranteed Executive Platinum status through the end of Feb 2009), this comes to $60.71 per month. Was it worth it? You betcha! I was able to use 7 of the 8 VIP Upgrades and believe you me… there is nothing like flying business class to Europe or Asia.

Would I do it again? Um, I just did! This year I figured out in October (based on the rest of my work travel) that I was going to be shy about 5,000 miles in hitting elite status. So I immediately canceled an Award ticket that I had booked for our vacation to Spain (we went a couple of weeks ago) and purchased the equivalent. This cost about $1,200 and while Jeanine thought this seemed like a total waste of money, I argued again, that $1,200 divided by 14 months (since I’m now guaranteed Executive Platinum status from Jan 1, 2009 to Feb 28, 2010) equals $85.71 per month. I like to look at things as part of my monthly budget and that’s a small amount to pay for use of those 8 VIP Upgrades.

What “personal” expenses are you willing to incur in order to make your job a bit more comfortable? Feel free to comment over at Queercents.

Further Reading:
The Art of the Mileage Run
Mileage Run Turtorial

hoto credit: stock.xchng.

Ten Money Questions for David Hauslaib

2008-11-07T06:56:00.000-08:00

David Hauslaib is the twentysomething guy behind Jossip and Queerty. While he might not have as many URLs as Nick Denton or the name recognition of Perez Hilton; he’s got youth, good looks, a proven track record and time on his side as he makes his mark on the World Wide Web. All this makes for good money fodder in this week’s Ten Money Questions.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Review: The Frugal Duchess by Sharon Harvey Rosenberg

2008-11-05T06:51:00.000-08:00

“A good home must be made, not bought.” – Joyce Maynard

The theme in Sharon Harvey Rosenberg’s first book, The Frugal Duchess: How to Live Well and Save Money is really about missed opportunity, in particular; the dream home that got away from her. This home (referred to as the Dream House throughout) is in Miami and sold for $425,000 in the mid-1990s. After a decade of double digit appreciation, it was listed in March of 2007 for $2.6M. I suspect today, Rosenberg could snatch it up for an easy $1.9M, but that’s another story.

With the foundation in place by Chapter Three, I was eager to learn if frugality had landed her in the Dream House, so I skipped to the end just to find out. Spoiler alert: She’s still in her three-bedroom apartment but writes:

No I don’t have a house, but I’ve given my children the deed on dreams, frugal living, and hard work. And with those gifts, I can live comfortably on my balcony because I already have a dream home in South Beach.

Okay, so apparently the Frugal Duchess is no Rich Dad. And I have to admit, it was a bit of a let down as I made my way back to Chapter Three. After all, what’s the point of all this frugal living if you’re still paying rent?

But then I cooled my real-estate-owning / rental-property-buying / positive-cash-flowing jets, and settled into the next several chapters. Why? As a fellow blogger, I like Rosenberg. Plus, she’s Jewish and as we all know here in Hollywood, Jews are famously accepting of the Gays. From the start, Rosenberg has been extra supportive of our efforts at Queercents. She’s always one of the first bloggers to reply back with warm words when I send out what seems to be a monthly press release. That courtesy goes a long way in my book. The least I could do was keep reading hers. And I’m glad I did… here’s why:

Her tales of grandmothers, parents and a penny-wise Aunt Norma read more like The Secret Life of Bees than a book about frugality. Rosenberg shines in her storytelling… making this more of a money memoir and easy read. She offers an authentic voice; dishing out advice for the struggling spendthrift by revealing her gravest mistakes:

It took me awhile to stop believing that some fairy, angel or magical g-dmother would sprinkle my bank account with pixie dust or leave a stack of gold bricks under my pillow while I spent the night dreaming. I wish that I could tell you that I gave up such fantasies during my twenties. But here’s the truth: I didn’t find my brain until I was 30. In fact, if I could write off any decade in my life, I would probably write off my 20s. At 18, I should have just taken a 12-year-age deficit, refinanced my youth and then fast-forwarded to 31.

That’s when I became smarter about money. This is also the age when she married a man ten years her junior; a tidbit that rings of How Stella Got Her Groove Back (you know, that movie they’re always playing on Lifetime with Angela Bassett)? Yes, Rosenberg is all woman; and comes full circle with useful tactics to silence her shopping gene.

Because of this, I’m not exactly her target audience. I hate to shop. Perhaps it’s because a Size 10 doesn’t necessarily feel like “retail therapy” when you’re standing in front of the dressing room mirror. But Rosenberg (a Size 0) is a shopper at her core and much of the book deals with saving money and how to avoid shopping pitfalls. So if you’re a consumer, then this book is for you!

That said, I doubt Trent at The Simple Dollar is much of a shopper either; and yet he pulled out twelve of his favorite frugal tips from the book. There are a ton of lists and guides in Rosenberg’s money memoir and you will likely find a few favorites to enhance your savings plan. For me personally, the part of her story that I could identify with most was her early career yearning to be a six-figure-salary, on-air broadcaster:

Driven by ego and money, I tried to transform myself into an anchorwoman. I took voice lessons. I bought new clothes. I found a hair dresser who could transform my hair (frizzy tight, tight curls) into a shiny straight helmet of hair. But that made-for-TV makeover didn’t really work for me. In the world of 1980s Barbie doll anchorwomen, I was a little Bratz doll – not yet ready for prime time.

It’s that age-old idea that you have to spend money to make money. Just make sure you have the money to spend in the first place. If not, then get on Rosenberg’s band wagon. She’s saving money and I suspect she’ll be in that Dream House long before the film version of the Frugal Duchess story makes its debut on Lifetime.

Final note: Typically, I give away the books that I review over at Queercents, but this one I’m sending on to Andrea Cecile. She’s writing our Turning Shoppers into Savers series (of course, it was linked to by the Frugal Duchess. Thanks Sharon!) and I think she will really enjoy this book. Perhaps, she just might pass it on when she’s finished. Why? Well, isn’t that the frugal thing to do? Enjoy!

Image credit: The Frugal Duchess.

Back to Mike: Money, Career, Transitioning and Tolerance

2008-11-03T06:32:00.000-08:00

“There is always more to be learned about tolerance.” – Mercedes Ruehl, commenting on her Lifetime movie role as the mother of a transgender child

Before Queercents, I had never interacted with anyone from the transgender community. Perhaps, it’s just a by-product of living in a conservative area like Orange County, CA. Jeanine and I used to see a transgender woman walking regularly around the Back Bay, a nature preserve near our home. Once, I saw her waiting for take out at our favorite Mexican restaurant and I considered introducing myself. But then I couldn’t think of an appropriate next line after telling her my name. As you might suspect, I never was the one picking up others in my bar-going days. I always needed a friend to provide an introduction.

Queercents has actually taken on the role of friend doing introductions for me and even though I still haven’t met anyone face-to-face in the trans community; I’ve done plenty of interviews and feel like I have a better understanding of our brothers and sisters in the trans world. E.g. Donna Rose, Jamison Green, Alexandra Billings, Jennifer Boylan and next Friday (11/15), I’ll post an interview with Nina Poon – the model in the Kenneth Cole ads.

What I’ve learned from these interviews (and now from Ashley Wilson’s posts), is that coming out as a transgender person often times has a much greater impact on one’s finances than coming out as a gay person. In a way, it seems like the workplace treats the trans community today much like the treatment of the gay community thirty years ago. In the words of Jamison Green, employment issues are still a challenge for many:

I’ve met scores of highly educated, otherwise successful people who have either lost everything when they couldn’t retain their employment or find a new job once their transness became known, or who have limited themselves and avoided opportunities because of their own fear of confronting the world as a transgender person.

Or as Donna Rose explained to me why under-employment is still a significant issue facing transgender people:

It’s actually a very simple answer. Discrimination. Transgender people often make others uncomfortable so they’re not given opportunities to do jobs they’re well qualified to do.

Our society has expectations for men and women – how they look, act, and are supposed to “be” - and it doesn’t treat ambiguity in that regard kindly. Often, transgender people necessarily challenge that binary and have difficulty fitting into these neat little molds. This often manifests itself in unfortunate decisions that are made when it comes to hiring or retaining qualified talent.

I have many friends who held significant corporate roles prior to announcing their transition who ended up unemployed for many months to several years afterwards… In order to make ends meet many of us find ourselves forced to take jobs (if we can get them) that are significantly below our skill level, at a significant reduction in pay. The impact that this has, not only on our ability to pay our bills but on our overall psyche, is often devastating.

Knowing this, I was pleasantly surprised back in April 2007 when the Los Angeles Times was incredibly supportive about the transition of one of their own: Mike Penner, a well-know sportswriter, made a very public transition to Christine Daniels. She had positive things to say about her employer and taking on the role of spokesperson for the trans movement:

Yes, I was prepared for it, and it has come to pass. I am fine with it. I believe this is my calling — to help provide some sorely needed education about a natural but vastly misunderstood condition. I believe I was born trans and reached this life intersection for a reason — I am a high-profile writer already working within the “testosterone sports culture,” I have communications skills, I have a powerful platform at the Times with which I can help disseminate an important message that is long overdue.

Fast forward to today. Christine is back as Mike. Helen Boyd of My Husband Betty fame writes:

As far as I know, this is the most famous person to de-transition I’ve ever heard of, and it’s surely going to cause additional confusion to people who are just starting to get why people transition in the first place. So - why do people de-transition? I’ve met people who did because they couldn’t find a job as a female, especially if/when there were dependents in the picture. Others realize they weren’t transsexual - and that is the point of RLT, after all, & that means it’s working.

Joe Moag at the GaySportsBlog.com though brings up an great point about work:

I think the story here is a happy one. Mike went through whatever Mike needed to go through to try and do what we all need to try and do: become a happier, healthier human being. That voyage took Mike to Christine, and now has taken him back to Mike. All the while, the L.A. Times accepted him, paid him, employed him, and supported him. No one came unglued (oh, I am sure that Right-Wing Fundamentalists all over the place came unglued, but those assholes come unglued if it rains, so who gives a fuck?), and Mike was allowed to take his voyage on his terms. He did his job, he did it well, and he didn’t get fired or hassled.

So kudos to the Los Angeles Times for accepting, paying, employing and supporting both Mike and Christine. And all the while, Times readers haven’t skipped a beat. More companies should take note. I’ll end today’s post with the hopeful words of Donna Rose and how we can continue to promote change in the workplace:

Education. Gradual cultural acceptance. Continued visibility. Persistence. All are important to spotlight what is happening and to lower the barriers of discomfort that prevent many of us from realizing our career potential as transgender individuals.

As usual, your thoughts on this topic are welcomed over at Queercents in the comments section.

Ten Money Questions for Cathy Renna

2008-10-31T06:09:00.000-07:00

Renna Communications provides communications strategies to organizations who are working to change the world for the better (and many of these happen to be LGBT advocacy groups).

Cathy Renna is a managing partner along with Leah McElrath Renna, her partner in business and in life. Together, they juggle a busy schedule with a young child and relatively young company and all this makes for interesting communication about money.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Ten Money Questions for Alan Cumming

2008-10-24T06:19:00.000-07:00

The many faces of Alan Cumming include film and Tony Award-winning stage credits. Of course, on television, he appeared in Sex and the City and The L Word. He also directs, produces, and writes films and plays.

He has earned his living in a variety of creative ways and as we learn below, he has always lived within his means. Step aside, Suze Orman; we have Alan Cumming dishing out a few financial truths!

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Needs vs. Wants: Having money to throw around…

2008-10-22T05:50:00.000-07:00

Recently, Lauren at Feministe, one of the oldest feminist blogs, mentioned Queercents in her weekend roundup. She writes:

SINCE I’M BROKE and the economy has been tanking I’ve been perusing a lot of economics blogs. One of my new favorites is Queer Cents, a blog that talks money management with a focus on and around the queer community. Pros: posts on topics such as how to buy dresses when you look like a man, ways to avoid medical bankruptcy, and how to write letters to fix your credit report. Cons: many of the writers assume you have money to throw around in the first place. Still, great advice and worthy of the blogroll.

First, we blow big queer kisses to her for linking to us. The subscribers to our RSS feed jumped because of it. Apparently, feminists like their Google Reader. Mwah! Second, let’s talk about what she doesn’t like and how we can fix that. (Hint: this is a nice opportunity for our readers to weigh in with their thoughts about how we can make Queercents better!) “Cons: many of the writers assume you have money to throw around in the first place.”

I think this brings up a really interesting point. I recently listened to a free podcast from iTunes U (downloads from iTunes U are my favorite things to listen to on my morning run). It was a lecture at Griffith University by Cathy McGuane called Money: It is not what you make, but how you manage it that counts. Her topic was the typical women & money pitch, but she said something that I thought was really interesting:

Perceived needs change with income.

I got to thinking about it and yes, my perceived needs are different than Elizabeth’s or Melissa’s needs. Elizabeth is in college and Melissa is in her first job and budgeting for student loan payments. Another example: Paula and I are both Gen X, our experiences are very different at the moment – she made the jump last year from a corporate job to business owner. I’m still schlepping for a paycheck and have a kid on the way. Or consider Roland. He appears loaded! And after trying retirement for about two minutes, he went back to work for what sounds like something to do and not to necessarily make money.

We are different ages and income levels, but we all have money to “throw around” because we’re living within our means. Or at least trying to wind up with more money at the end of the month than we had at the beginning. And not less.

Achieving this objective comes in various forms – depending on the perceived needs of the contributing writer. So while, John and Aundi, might be taking a break from their careers to go back to school, their needs are completely different than the needs of Jennifer and Ashley. Queercents has a bunch of unique writers… all with distinct money voices.

That said, Trent at The Simple Dollar has a fantastic post about needs vs. wants because even our perception of needs sometimes could use a refresh. In a nutshell:

What do I actually need in life?

I need a roof over my head.
I need food and water.
I need clothing.
I need a means to earn a living to pay for the needs.
My wife needs a means to earn a living.
I need basic hygiene and health, as does my family.
I need to protect my family against my demise.

Everything else is a want.

It’s worth clicking over to get the skinny on each of his points. After dividing all his spending into needs and wants; his conclusion:

When I did this, I realized that the majority of our spending was on things that were merely things I wanted. Looking at those wants with a more critical eye - eliminating some and putting a bit more focus on the things most important to me - led me to making some cuts in my spending that I might have otherwise just assumed as a given. That’s made a big change in my spending choices - and has put some cash right back in my pocket.

And at Queercents, we all earn different amounts in our jobs or entrepreneurial pursuits but hopefully, our posts reflect that having money to “throw around” – whatever that amount might be – is really based on spending less than you make.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Review of My So-Called Freelance Life

2008-10-20T06:41:00.000-07:00

“Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it’s an old business procedure.” – Fran Lebowitz, The Observer, 1979

I love books published by Seal Press. Take a glance at just a few of their titles (e.g. Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty and Labor of Love: The Story of One Man’s Extraordinary Pregnancy) and you’ll see their readers are looking for an edgier take on a number of topics.

Their “Career & Business” books offer the same frank discussion when it comes to self-improvement in our work lives. I’ve often thought about sending them my book proposal, loosely based on my Sleeping With Money posts, but alas, this would mean I’d actually have to finish the book proposal. As you might suspect, my so-called freelance writing life has not quite materialized. But there’s help for those who dream about making a living by pursuing creative work.

It comes in the form of My So-Called Freelance Life: How to Survive and Thrive as a Creative Professional for Hire by Michelle Goodman. I was introduced to Goodman when I interviewed her last year at BlogHer just after the release of her first book, The Anti-9-to5 Guide. She’s what I’d call a cube-fleeing rock star. A woman that carved out a life (translation: makes a respectable living!) by turning her freelance dreams into a reality. And she’s been doing this for over 15 years.

By the way, she looks about 35. Or maybe 37. Why is this relevant? Well, I know tons of women in their late forties and fifties who were pushed out of corporate America and they sort of were forced to start a “consulting” business. But Michelle chose to leave. And she did it early on in her career. She’s made the freelance life work for her and all the mistakes made in her twenties are what make her an expert today. Goodman’s book is broken into three sections with flashy titles and chapters, but in the end it really just boils down to how you can achieve these goals:

Be true to yourself. Work when and how and with whom you want. Treat your clients well. Charge what you’re worth. Keep setting new goals for yourself. Branch out into new niches. Learn new tricks and acquire new skills. Plant your ass in the chair and make time to refine your craft. Read interviews with your career heroes. Follow the news of your field. Take classes on anything that excites you. Go to book readings, art exhibits, rock shows or whatever else inspires you. Rub elbows with like-minded indie professionals at happy hours and conferences. Encourage, cajole, and collaborate. Celebrate your wins. Learn from your defeats, but don’t dwell on them. And above all, remember to have fun.

What I like best about the book is that its foundation is based on money. Goodman calls it the craft plus commerce concept. And let’s face it; if your freelance activities aren’t making you money, then it’s really more like volunteering. And jeez, take if from me: I’m the poster child for volunteering outside the day job. Umm, has anyone noticed we’re all volunteers here at Queercents? But this is the difference (at least for me): I don’t really mind the “cube” I sit in everyday. My career has been good to me. And Queercents has been a wonderful creative outlet that makes me feel like I’m helping people in the LGBT community. That’s currency I don’t earn in my day job. So my “freelancing” serves what I want to get out of it at the moment. But many people feel differently and want to make the break from their day jobs.

Take our own, Paula Gregorowicz as an example. She left her corporate IT job last year and has chronicled the journey in many of her posts: From starting her own business to dealing with self-employment taxes to learning how to maintain boundaries with her freelance schedule. She’s what I’d call Goodman’s target audience.

That said, even I can apply a lot of Goodman’s advice to my Queercents pursuits. Like when she said, “You need to give yourself a promotion every now and then. Because if you don’t, who will?” Amen, sister! Every now and then, I need to step back and look at how I’m spending those ten hours “freelancing” every weekend on Queercents. I’m certain though Goodman isn’t complaining that some of those hours were spent on writing this book review. Time well spent, reading and writing it, I have to admit. So if any of this is speaking to you, then buy the book!

I’m giving away my review copy to the best comment in the comments section over at Queercents (please don’t comment below). By the way, it’s worthwhile to note that just because Seal Press and Goodman’s book is billed as advice for women, well… don’t let this scare away the men. It’s relevant information for everyone and the “gender-specific” stuff is just marketing. So boys and girls, feel free to leave your comments!

Photo credit: Goodman’s blog.

Ten Money Questions for Barbara Raab

2008-10-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

Many of us only dream about taking a leave of absence from work, but Barbara Raab turned reverie into reality. She’s on a 9-month sabbatical from her job as a senior newswriter and editor at NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams.

What is she doing during this self-imposed time-out? She’s teaching at the City University of New York Graduate School of Journalism. Most people cannot take a career break without considering its financial ramifications and these thoughts are the source of this week’s interview.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Illness or Injury: 4 Ways to Avoid Medical Bankruptcy

2008-10-13T06:06:00.000-07:00

“If the debtor be insolvent to serve creditors, let his body be cut in pieces on the third market day. It may be cut into more or fewer pieces with impunity. Or, if his creditors consent to it, let him be sold to foreigners beyond the Tiber.” – Twelve Tables, Table III, 6 (ca. 450 B.C.), Ancient Rome

History has rarely been kind to debtors. Personally, I have never felt much sympathy towards the bankrupt: especially those that have Maxed Out their credit cards and lived well beyond their means. But the more I learn about the bankruptcy epidemic (Obama intends to amend the bankruptcy bill signed by Bush in 2005); it’s hard to remain indifferent to the stories.

Until recently, I had always thought that the majority of filers for bankruptcy were deadbeats, but one study noted that more than 25 percent of the respondents cited illness or injury as a specific reason for bankruptcy. Other research has shown the number to be much higher: up to half said that illness or medical bills drove them to bankruptcy.

Let’s take breast cancer as the example. The New York Times found that women lost, on average, more than a quarter of their typical income during the first 12 months after their diagnosis:

Among the many challenges women with breast cancer face, here’s one most people don’t pay attention to: a smaller paycheck… One of the factors affecting lost wages was whether the patient lived close to the treatment center. Women were more likely to suffer large wage losses if they lived farther from the hospital where they underwent treatment. Whether a woman required chemotherapy also affected her income. Women with less education, more serious disease or less social support or those who were self-employed, worked part-time or were recently hired at their current job were the most vulnerable.

Long work absences or ultimately losing one’s job because of an illness is a common theme among those undergoing bankruptcy. According to the Washington Post, the problem is in the health care finance system and in chronic debates about reforming it:

1. Health insurance isn’t an on-off switch, giving full protection to everyone who has it. There is real coverage and there is faux coverage. Policies that can be canceled when you need them most are often useless… We need to talk about quality, durable coverage, not just about how to get more names listed on nearly-useless insurance policies.

2. The link between jobs and health insurance is strained beyond the breaking point. A harsh fact of life in America is that illness leads to job loss, and that can mean a double kick when people lose their insurance. Promising them high-priced coverage through COBRA is meaningless if they can’t afford to pay. Comprehensive health insurance is the only real solution, not just for the poor but for middle-class Americans as well.

But politics aside, there are four ways that people can avoid bankruptcy:

Sell everything
Work more
Reorganize your debt
Contact your creditors

Jeez, now those are helpful options when you’re sick. That said, there are four things you can do in a “preventive” way to protect yourself in case of illness:

Make sure your health insurance is in order.
Create a personal health savings account.
Create a backup to your emergency fund. I call this the catastrophic fund: access to cash in the case of long term illness that might result in a job loss. I used to consider my HELOC to be my catastrophic fund… unfortunately, no longer. Now if I depleted all my cash, savings and liquid investments, I’d have to sell off assets or cash out my retirement accounts. The HELOC was intended to buy me time.
Live healthy. One of the best ways to avoid the risk of ever facing bankruptcy is to simply be healthy.

Did you find your way here because you’re already in bankruptcy? Here are a few answers to the likely questions. And for those who are healthy, what measures have you put in place to protect against the financial stresses of a long term illness? Please feel free to comment over at Queercents.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Ten Money Questions for Kate Barnhart

2008-10-10T05:48:00.000-07:00

MCCNY’s Homeless Youth Services provides emergency shelter to homeless LGBTQ youth in New York City. Kate Barnhart is the shelter director and works tirelessly by providing services such as food, clothing, mental health counseling, HIV prevention, and help with a variety of job and school needs.

Many of us think of money in terms of wants, but Kate deals in the context of needs - day in and day out. Mosey on over to Queercents and read her unique perspective to this week’s Ten Money Questions.

Are you being tossed by a fiscal storm?

2008-10-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

“A collapse in U.S. stock prices certainly would cause a lot of white knuckles on Wall Street. But what effect would it have on the broader U.S. economy? If Wall Street crashes, does Main Street follow? Not necessarily.” – Ben Bernanke

A couple of weeks ago, the New York Times offered six interviews with New Yorkers Tossed By a Fiscal Storm:

A small-business owner in Brooklyn worries about making the payroll. A homeowner in Queens faces foreclosure. A suburban stay-at-home mother cuts back on luxuries. A retiree watches rent, food and cable bills rise while her income stays flat. An aspiring musician chooses between recording fees and a trip to see his family at Christmas. A head of a nonprofit group sees grants disappear.

In the print version, the vignettes were just pictures and captions… the online version had the full story. The story about the struggling musician emphasizes how interdependent our economy is in most cities. His primary source of income comes from bartending and he noted:

What I can see from last year to this year is that the season is definitely slower. I’m making less money because less people are going out. And when they go out, they spend less than what they used to. I’ve been doing the same, I’ve been having friends together in my house, to drink bottles of wine, instead of going out to bars. It’s kind of like a chain. I make less money, and I stop going out too.

The domino effect: Whenever I travel for work and jump in a taxi, I always ask the driver how business is in their city. In the past couple of months, I’ve been in taxis from San Francisco to Silicon Valley, New York City to Kansas City and of course, I typically take one back and forth from my house to the airport in Orange County. They all are saying the same thing. Business is slow. This summer their primary complaint focused on people staying home and not taking vacations. Now the cabbies are all saying that the business people are cutting back too. One guy told me that he works four days just to earn enough money to pay the cab company for the right to drive the cab. The fifth day is what he takes home.

So what’s he doing to make up the difference? He’s working six and seven days. And when he’s working, he’s not out spending money with his family on the weekends. He said, “That’s not good for the economy either. It’s a vicious cycle.” He also is considering working the night shift, because about the only thing that hasn’t changed with this economy: people are still getting drunk. Paula at Queercents already covered this nicely in her post, Economy is Down but Booze Sales are Up. Although I remember chatting up a cabbie in Las Vegas back in 2006 and while people were still partying in Vegas, he was already moaning about how gas prices had impacted his margins.

The New York Times article gives a pretty good cross section of the population in New York, but what’s the experience in other parts of the country. I’d love to hear from our readers in places like Dallas, Chicago, and Cincinnati. Of course, if you live on one coast or the other, in a big city or small… we’d love to hear your stories too (over at Queercents, of course). How are you weathering the fiscal storm?

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Ten Money Questions for Eddie Ross

2008-10-03T05:57:00.000-07:00

A second season of the hit reality show, Top Design, is back on Bravo with a new group of contestants trying to win $100,000. Eddie Ross is one of a handful of gay participants this season and he’s showing us some pride with his thrifty, flea market brand of style. It’s always fitting to talk dollars when decorating one’s living space and Eddie takes on our questions without breaking the bank.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Fending off the Consumer Economy: Expecting a Newborn Baby

2008-09-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

“You will always be your child’s favorite toy.” – Vicki Lansky

I had a meltdown last weekend at Babies R Us. We were there doing research on the things needed come December. This is when our baby arrives. We’re adopting (in case you aren’t current with our two year fertility saga) and December is when the birthmother is due.

Friends, neighbors and family members have offered to host three separate baby showers. The sheer enthusiasm about our pending parenthood is quite sweet, but the concept of a baby registry is completely foreign to me. Hence, the trip to Babies R Us to get the lay of the land. And that land, my childless friends, is bizarre.

First of all, 90 percent of this world is composed of plastic (see Jennifer’s post at Queercents on how to minimize the plastics found in the lives of our young children!). Second, it taps into the consumerist culture that personifies many Americans. Susan Gregory Thomas, the author of Buy, Buy Baby: How Consumer Culture Manipulates Parents and Harms Young Minds expressed some notable things in a Salon.com interview last year including:

Noam Chomsky said it best when he said the consumer economy takes our concerns, commodifies them and sells them back to us.

This pretty much sums up Babies R Us! New parents beware. Before entering the store, we printed Mombian’s list of essential Baby Gear to keep us focused on the basics. It was an excellent guide. And as Susan Gregory Thomas emphasizes:

Life itself is very stimulating — children don’t need a lot of this extra stuff. Just being with your parents and getting to relax and hang out, or even just sort of sitting in the bouncy seat and watching your mom type on the keyboard as she does her work, or going to the market, or just taking a nap and cuddling, is all the stimulation a baby needs.

Ok, I get it! We need the bouncy seat, maybe the Baby Bjorn, a good stroller, a car seat, a Pack & Play (which can double as a bassinette in the first couple of months), and a crib. But most of the stuff located in the other forty aisles just taps into the fears of new parents.

We left without buying a thing. As I said, we were there doing research and once we were armed with a baseline on prices, we went home and I spent the rest of the afternoon doing searches on Craigslist. I’m certain some mothers would be horrified at the thought of buying anything second hand for their new baby… but Jeanine and I are in total agreement that second hand is fine and preferred for things like nursery furniture.

So we made our first few purchases and I’m proud to say, a week later, we couldn’t be more pleased with our decision and the results. We bought a Pali crib from a nice family in Laguna Beach. The crib is Italian-made, aesthetically in line with the rest of our home furnishings, and was less than half the price if we had purchased it new. Total cost: $350 and this included a high quality mattress (which would have set us back another $100 at Babies R Us!). Of course, I first read up on the ins and outs of selecting a baby crib.

We then went to the consignment shop and bought an antique rocker for $150. Next on the list is a mahogany dresser that will act as the changing table. After all, does he really need furniture specially made with blue bunnies stenciled all over it!?

What do you think? About our consuming culture and raising consuming kids? About new vs. second hand? About marketing to young parents? About what is the right amount of money to be spending on preparations for a newborn? The philosophy behind the baby registry and baby showers? My new parent preparing mind wants to hear your thoughts in the comments section over at Queercents.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Ten Money Questions for Michael Jacoby

2008-09-26T05:44:00.000-07:00

Michael Jacoby is a filmmaker and director of Ten More Good Years, a new documentary about LGBT elders and the governmental and social injustices experienced by those growing old and gay in America. It’s screening around the world at a number of film festivals this fall and has been licensed by both the Sundance Channel and LOGO.

Of course, money plays a part in aging and it’s only natural for Queercents to want to understand more. Michael hopes to change a few perceptions with his film and answers.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

I.O.U.S.A: compulsory viewing for every dollar-spending American

2008-09-22T05:57:00.000-07:00

“Capitalism without failure is like Christianity without hell.” – Warren Buffett

I.O.U.S.A.: One Nation. Under Stress. In Debt. is the new Sundance-selected documentary that I watched recently. Michelle Orange of The Village Voice called it an Inconvenient Truth for the debt crisis. The film addresses four deficits confronting America: the budget deficit, the savings deficit, balance of payments/trade deficit, and of course, our leadership deficit.

In the wake of last week’s banking meltdown, the film warns in timely tone, “What’s coming down the pike could make the subprime mortgage problem seem like a speed-bump.” The New York Times calls it:

Yet another documentary that everyone should see but most will not, “I.O.U.S.A.” tackles the unsexy topic of our soaring national debt and its likely consequences for present and future Americans — or at least those who survive the tsunamis, water shortages and Beijing-level air quality promised by Al Gore.

Brimful of disquieting facts on inflation, trade deficits and Wall Street’s influence on national monetary policy, Patrick Creadon’s resolutely nonpartisan movie tracks America’s “fiscal cancer” through centuries of budgetary highs and lows.

Deficits and Americans: this isn’t really a recent phenomenon. After all, it took a deficit throughout the Revolutionary War to break free from the British Empire. The nation has typically prospered through each of its ups and downs. The problem now though is the Baby Boomers. With 80 million reaching the age of retirement eligibility, the government has made massive commitments to Social Security and Medicare programs. These and other unfunded liabilities total a staggering $53 trillion and Gen X & Y will pay the price for the ills of the previous generation. Perhaps the Baby Boomers don’t deserve retirement. That might solve some of the problem. Hey Mom and Dad, keep working!

All in all, the film is a bit depressing. And scary too. Of course, it’s meant to be a wake up call. But it seems to fail at the end. Kiplinger.com explains how the director:

…tries to mobilize his audience with a closing sequence that feels like a pep rally, calling viewers to save money and to hold politicians accountable. But just as Gore left viewers mystified as to how joining an e-mail list could solve global warming, I.O.U.S.A.’s call to action sounds a bit feeble…

As Alan Greenspan noted in the film, “Human beings cannot survive unless they create a provision for the future.” Sure, we can all send demanding emails to our Senators and Representatives about the need to do something to halt what appears to be pending fiscal disaster, but it seems like the best remedy begins when it gets personal. As in personal finance. Bottom line, Americans need to save and stop spending more money than we earn.

In an interview at The Huffington Post, the director echoes this sentiment:

I think that is a realistic hope. I also hope people who watch our film start saving more money and investing it wisely. Without savings there is no future, and yet for the past 2 years America has had a negative savings rate. We’ve spent more money than we’ve earned. That has to stop.

The book version just became available on Amazon. For more information about the movie and The Fiscal Wake-Up Tour, visit:

Have you seen the documentary? What were your feelings? Please share your comments over at Queercents.

Ten Money Questions for Heather Matarazzo

2008-09-19T05:21:00.000-07:00

Years after Ellen paved the way; it still takes courage to be out in Hollywood. Heather Matarazzo is one brave actor and although she’s neither richer nor poorer because of it, her roles continue to captivate in priceless ways.

Probably best known for playing Dawn Wiener in Welcome to the Dollhouse, Heather has come of age and recently became engaged to musician, Carolyn Murphy. Chalk it up to love, progress and same-sex marriage in California! She takes some time to talk money, matrimony and the business of acting with Queercents.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Coffee Break

2008-09-15T05:11:00.000-07:00

“Put that coffee down. Coffee is for closers.” – Glengarry Glen Ross

I'm out this week... busy working, traveling to far away places and of course, drinking some espresso! Please visit the writers of Queercents in my absence.

Ten Money Questions for Michael Landa

2008-09-12T05:20:00.000-07:00

Michael Landa founded The Pet Staff with Brett Montana in 2001 and it’s now the largest professional in-home pet sitting and dog walking service in greater Los Angeles. Their service offers a personalized, stress free and healthy alternative to the traditional method of kennel boarding pets.

This week’s interview offers a different perspective to the often talked about topic of pet costs at Queercents. There’s nothing quite like gays, their pets and Hollywood! “Sit Ubu, sit. Good dog!”

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Your Money at Work on the Shifting Careers blog at NYTimes.com

2008-09-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

“Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.” – Thomas J. Watson

Marci Alboher, the Shifting Careers columnist for The New York Times, invited me to post again about work and money. The topic this time: Are Personal Finances the Boss’s Business?

Most people know someone at work who has gotten a call from a debt collector, maxed out her credit cards or given a list of reasons about why he can’t afford to contribute to the company’s 401(k) plan. In our tell-all culture, it’s easy to catch the clues about financial missteps.

As an employee with an extracurricular interest in personal finance, I’m always fascinated when I see a co-worker who is careless with money or hear about his financial problems at home. I have often wondered if I would scrutinize the situation differently if I were the boss. After all, should the personal part of one’s finances matter at work?

Continue reading at Shifting Careers.

The Mommy Economy: A Review of The Feminine Mistake

2008-09-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

“Motherhood is a state of being, not a job description.” – Sara Nelson

When I announced to one of my sisters that Jeanine and I plan to work full time after the baby is born (we’re adopting a newborn boy and he arrives in December!), she asked, “What’s the point of having children if you’re both going to work?” The question, coming from my competitive sister, was hardly a surprise. After all, she gave up her career as a CPA to stay at home with her three young children and in her mind; this was the just the “right” thing to do. With the youngest now in first grade, she went back to work part time. Of course, I wanted to ask: why on earth would you have children if you were going to work?

I didn’t because I already knew the answer: it was based on economics. They need the money. Most families do these days. That said, my sister seems happier (and I think is probably a better mom) when she’s working. These are the same arguments made by Leslie Bennetts in her book: The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?

I met Bennetts recently at a panel discussion in Los Angeles entitled: Baby I’m Bored: When Did Motherhood Become a Career and is it a Professional Disaster? The audio broadcast is available here. It was moderated by the brilliant Meghan Daum:

Forty years ago, the term “stay at home mom” would have been considered redundant. Twenty years ago, “housewife” had become a dirty word and the ability to balance family and career was seen as an extension of female self-respect and empowerment. Today, some women are rejecting the 1980s-era notion of “having it all” by dropping out of the workforce–sometimes permanently–to raise their children. In her book The Feminine Mistake, journalist Leslie Bennetts suggests that women have been oversold on the idea they must choose between being good workers and being good mothers. Using extensive data, she suggests that women who stop working even temporarily sacrifice much more than financial stability.

A lot of people disliked this book when it came out last year. There were plenty of SAHM’s that thought Bennetts was the anti-Christ. Of course, it makes perfect sense they would be defensive about their choice to opt out of the workforce. I was surprised though when the writer at The New Yorker gave it a tepid review.

Unlike those above, I loved this book for its financial stance and have been sounding the trumpets ever since Bennetts signed my copy and warned that many gay and lesbian parents were falling into the same trap as their traditional counterparts. In the book, Bennetts cautions women:

What I want to do is sound a warning to women who forgo income-producing work in favor of a domestic role predicated on economic dependency. My first goal is to document the long-term dangers of that choice in hopes of persuading these women to reevaluate its costs. My second goal is to reaffirm the immense value of income-producing work that gives women financial autonomy along with innumerable other rewards. In the endless acrimony of the culture wars, those key factors seem to have been largely overlooked, at least in the media and the standard public debate.

I meet more and more gays and lesbians who are opting out of the workforce to stay home with their kids. They cite many of the same reasons that straight mothers use: the high costs of childcare out weighs the income and benefits of working, it’s better for the kids if one of us stays home, my partner’s career is more important (and he/she makes more money).

According to the trade group, the National Association of Child Care Resources and Referral Agencies, the average cost of infant care is 10.6 percent of household income. Bennetts writes:

Discouraged by such warnings, women often decide to give up their careers, rationalizing that choice with the thought that they would be working only to pay for child care, and that their work would therefore be pointless. But this argument completely fails to take into account the long-term development of any worker’s earnings potential. Your own career is an investment you make in yourself, one that – unless it is interrupted or derailed – will pay dividends throughout your life.

Some benefits are financial, some are intellectual or creative, and others involve different kinds of personal growth. If you devote your life to supporting your husband’s career, all those dividends belong to him – as does the career itself. Ultimately it’s his asset, not yours. This basic fact many not become apparent unless you lose your breadwinner, whether through divorce, illness or death – but the harsh truth is that a dependent wife spends her life enhancing an asset that, in the end, may not even belong to her.

This makes about as much sense as putting millions of dollars’ worth of renovations into a house you don’t even own. Few intelligent people would sink a lot of money into refurbishing a rental, but stay-at-home wives think nothing of subordinating their own financial interests to those of their husbands, blithely assuming that those interests will never diverge.

What spoke to me about this book is how quickly we’ll give up our financial independence in the name of motherhood. Of course, the intent of this review and post is not to start the lesbian mommy wars. Actually, I think the review at Salon.com says it best:

In the end, I’m not sure the book’s bravado will be entirely convincing to all of the women she wants to persuade. It’s deaf to the way a child and family-centered life calls out to a lot of women, and to some men. When I’ve written on these topics before and gotten shrill about the importance of having a career and keeping maternal urges in check, I’ve gotten thoughtful and sometimes persuasive letters from women and a few men who derive more joy from family than from work, who’ve sacrificed to make sure at least one parent is regularly home with their kids, who take the time to make their house a home, not in a competitive or compulsive way, but out of love and longing. I no longer dismiss them as victims of a new feminine mystique.

Still, I’m glad to have “The Feminine Mistake” reminding women to protect their future and that of their kids. In the end, women have to search their hearts, and not merely books, to find the right balance of child rearing, work and home for their own lives.

After reviewing a book, I typically raffle it off to those that entertain me in the comments section over at Queercents. Sorry gang, I’m keeping this one. I want it for our library so if Jeanine ever comes home after a hard day wanting to opt out of the workforce, I can point to it and say, read! Or who knows, maybe it will be me that gets the crazy idea…

I certainly understand that making money isn’t the cure all and I’m just about to find out how hard the balancing act is. After all, I’ll be a WAHM paying for childcare, but still traveling internationally for my job. I write this on the brink of packing for another 7 day trip: London, Paris, Rome. It all sounds so glamorous as a childless career girl. But wow, the reality of motherhood is about to hit our household. And I’ll be turning to Leslie Bennetts’ book as a reminder that financial independence still trumps diaper duty in my Queercents opinion.

So lesbian mommies (and gay daddies too!), what’s your take on this topic? If you’re a stay at home parent, are there any safeguards you can put in place to protect your finances and ability to return to the workforce down the road? Please feel free to comment on the original post at Queercents.

Ten Money Questions for Anne Stockwell

2008-09-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

Most recently, Anne Stockwell ruled gay LA as the Editor in Chief of The Advocate. She’s also one of the founders of MoneyPants.com. Anne is a talented writer with a side interest in money. Writer! Money! Needless to say, I have an enormous crush on her. What’s not to love? To titillate my fancy, she agreed to our ten money questions. I hope you enjoy her words as much as I did!

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

The Secret to Money: Gratitude and Thankfulness

2008-09-02T05:50:00.000-07:00

“Happiness is self-contentedness.” – Aristotle

Recently, I’ve been jazzed about The Secret. I suspect a lot of you are saying, “Oh, jeez!” But hear me out. I haven’t read the book or seen the movie but I downloaded the audio version from iTunes about a month ago and it has made my morning run more enjoyable. I’m training for a half marathon in October, so it feels like I’m running a lot these days and the ideas that make up The Secret have been motivating me along the way. Some people are spurred on by music. I gravitate to podcasts and audiobooks on iTunes U.

The Secret isn’t really a secret. It’s an anecdotal book blending self-help, pop psychology and motivational theory. The secret is “The Law of Attraction” and the author and her “experts” believe that what we think creates what we feel. If our feelings are positive, then positive energy and experiences flow back to us. Like attracts like. We are our thoughts.

There certainly are plenty of skeptics. At the other extreme, there are die-hard devotees. I’m somewhere in the middle. I regard the principles metaphorically, not literally… much in the same way that I’d choose to appreciate the Bible or other sacred texts. Does it really matter if it’s nothing more than pseudo-scientific twaddle? Can’t I glean a few truths about positive thinking and goal setting and call it a day. For me personally, I find this to be motivating. I find it inspiring. And listening to it makes six miles feel like three. I’m hoping in another month it will make 13 miles feel like 6.

How does this apply to money? The Secret to Money isn’t really any different than Napoleon Hill’s Think & Grow Rich where he explains how riches are the offspring of thought. But is wealth really a mindset as so many people claim?

I believe most things begin with changing your thinking. Lana recently wrote an excellent series at Queercents about building wealth consciousness from within… it’s worth reading (purchase the eBook here) especially if you struggle with negative thought patterns when it comes to money.

I consider myself a happy and positive person, but I’d probably never use the word grateful to describe me. To be honest, I never really understood the concept of gratitude and thankfulness until I started listening to The Secret. What’s the magic with these concepts? And what’s the difference between the two?

“Gratefulness is full awareness; thankfulness is thoughtfulness.”

Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk and the person behind Gratefulness.org, explains the difference in this column on Beliefnet:

Do you remember a night when you stood outdoors looking up at the stars, countless in the high, silent dome of the sky, and saw them as if for the first time? What happened?

Eugene O’Neill described his experience this way: “For a moment I lost myself–actually lost my life. I was set free! I dissolved in the…high dim-starred sky! I belonged, without past or future, within peace and unity and a wild joy, within something greater than my own life…to Life itself! To God, if you want to put it that way.” [You may have good reasons for not putting it that way, for not using the G-word, but in any case you have caught a glimpse of “something greater” than your limited self.] “For a second you see–and seeing the secret, are the secret. For a second there is meaning!”

In the second that follows, you may hear your heart calling out, “Thank you, thank you!” – “to God, if you want to put it that way,” or to no one in particular. But let us steady our focus on the second of gratefulness before thankfulness. Why do I call that wild joy of belonging “gratefulness?” Because it is our full appreciation of something altogether undeserved, utterly gratuitous–life, existence, ultimate belonging–and this is the literal meaning of grate-full-ness.

In a moment of gratefulness, you do not discriminate. You fully accept the whole of this given universe, as you are fully one with the whole. In the very next moment, when the fullness of gratitude overflows into thanksgiving, the oneness you were experiencing breaks up. Now you are beginning to think in terms of giver, gift, and receiver. Gratefulness turns into thankfulness. This is a different fullness. A moment ago you were fully aware; now you are thoughtful. Gratefulness is full awareness; thankfulness is thoughtfulness.

I remember as a born-again, Christ-like teenager, I never quite understood the concept of prayer. Prayer would have made a lot more sense if someone had explained it to me in terms of gratitude and thankfulness. In The Secret, Rhonda Byrne writes:

With all that I have read and all that I have experienced in my own life using The Secret, the power of gratitude stands above everything else. If you do only one thing with the knowledge of The Secret, use gratitude until it becomes your way of life.

With money, it begins with being content with what we have instead of focusing on what we don’t have. Leo Babauta at ZenHabits writes:

The reason we get into financial trouble, oftentimes, is that we buy more than we can afford. And the root of that buying is buying things we want instead of only things we need, and the root of that is not being content with what we already have.

Finding contentment with the stuff you have and with a simpler life can lead to buying less, to buying things we need instead of want, and to only spending what we can afford. I know this first-hand, as uncontrolled spending led to debt for me, and contentedness led to me getting out of debt.

Gratitude, thankfulness and contentment are the foundation for a rich life and I believe, when coupled with sound financial decisions; we realize wealth. What do you think? Feel free to comment over at Queercents.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

How much do you give for the office collection?

2008-08-25T06:56:00.000-07:00

“May your charity increase as much as your wealth.” – Proverb

Way back when, I wrote a post about what to do when friends or co-workers ask repeatedly if you’ll sponsor them in their charity walk, ride or run. It shouldn’t seem that hard to wish someone well, and in the same breathe explain that you unfortunately can’t give this time. This is harder than you might think for most people. Just take a look at the comments if you need help.

In the same post, I mention a column at Money magazine where the writers advise that people shouldn’t be soliciting others for donations. Period. Don’t ask!

That seems a bit harsh… doesn’t it? Or not? I’ve worked remotely from home for a decade, but when I did work in an office, I remember the constant stream of requests from co-workers and their children. Girl Scout cookies, gift wrap, you name it. People were always peddling something for a cause.

In the virtual world, the request is now often sent by mass email which presents its own set of complexities. The Shifting Careers column offered a creative spin on the fund-raising email. The “office collection” of the old-fashioned variety was handled beautifully by MyOpenWallet last week:

Over the years, I have contributed to many a collection in the office. Whenever the hat is passed for a baby shower, bridal shower, going-away party, charity walk sponsorship, etc., I always pitch in. But until now, I have never been the one responsible for doing the collecting, and I found the experience quite fascinating!

It’s worth clicking over to read the post and learn why she was surprised at the amounts and reasons given. The 30+ comments are fascinating too. Her conclusion:

I think the factor that correlated most to the donation amount was age, but contrary to what you’d think, the younger people were the ones who tended to chip in more… the younger people in the office have perhaps grown up in a culture that is more inclined to over-spend. They are used to excessiveness in weddings, parties, home sizes, cars, etc. They are used to the idea that everyone spends beyond their means and has credit card debt. They like to live large– not just in selfish ways, but in generous ways. The older generations are perhaps not quite caught up with inflation, and still remember the days when $5 was a very generous contribution, because most people only gave $1! But also, the older people in the office may just tend to have slightly different values or norms about how money is spent.

Hmmm… the age factor is an interesting observation and makes sense about why there is a shift in the giving habits of Gen Y. Funny too, the point about older generations. I guess I’m considered “older” now. This was apparent, when I recently realized I hadn’t increased the tip for the valet or car wash guy in twenty years… two bucks is not enough these days. I guess I’d be the one still giving 5 bucks for the office collection.

So what about you? How much do you give for a co-worker’s gift? Have you ever been the collector and if so, what were your observations? And does the occasion, rank or popularity of the co-worker play a factor? Please feel free to comment over at the original post at Queercents.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Ten Money Questions for Davey Wavey

2008-08-22T05:32:00.000-07:00

Davey Wavey maintains a popular blog at Break The Illusion where he charts his stories, experiences and reflections as a young gay man on his journey of exploration and discovery. A couple of times each week he posts talky blogs. When he volunteered to participate in our Ten Money Questions at Queercents, he suggested answering in his trademark video format.

Between his blog and videos, he reaches some 600,000 people a month. I suspect that since 99% of his videos are produced shirtless, most of the 600,000 viewers are gay men. But money, as he demonstrates, transcends gender and sexual orientation… so I hope all of you enjoy this installment at Queercents! Mosey on over to continue reading or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

What Would Oprah Do? The price of 365 days of discipleship.

2008-08-20T06:02:00.000-07:00

“Follow then the shining ones, the wise, the awakened, the loving, for they know how to work and forbear.” – Buddha

On Sunday, The New York Times pointed readers to Robyn Okrant, a 35 year old writer, performer and artist living in Chicago. She’s living Oprah for a year. What does that mean exactly? She’s spending a year following the advice Oprah dishes out on her television show, in O magazine, on the airwaves and website. Of course, she’s blogging about the experience. The experiment is reminiscent of the Julie/Julia Project so it’s likely she has a book deal coming her way:

But Ms. Okrant says she won’t cash a check from any deal that materializes before the end of year, so as not to skew her year as everywoman with an infusion of money.

After all, it requires cashola to be an Oprah devotee. She estimates she has spent over $2,000 on her Living Oprah project:

There’s almost nothing Ms. Okrant doesn’t consult Oprah about. If she has a fight with her husband, she looks up “conflict management” on the Oprah Web site. When she needs to cover the gray in her now glossy curls, she uses the hair dye that was recommended in the August 2008 issue of Ms. Winfrey’s magazine.

A representative for Ms. Winfrey’s company, Harpo Inc., said Ms. Okrant “certainly takes brand dedication to new heights.”

Ms. Okrant says she embarked on the project because she saw many women believing that every word of Ms. Winfrey’s was gospel. She hoped to learn why her words carried such weight, even when they were contradictory at times. In the show’s celebrated “Favorite Things” episodes, the audience is showered with stainless steel refrigerators and flat screen television sets. Yet, against these displays of materialism, Ms. Winfrey also freely dispenses spiritual advice.

The Guardian also noted how Okrant is putting Oprah’s lifestyle tips to the ultimate test:

“I am not attempting to prove Oprah wrong or right but I am trying to encourage women, highly susceptible to the media’s influence, to question the sources,” says Okrant, who posts her thoughts at livingoprah.com.

Celebrities don’t come more influential than Oprah. Sales of whatever she blesses with her approval soar, from the novels of Toni Morrison to Blue Planet DVDs. Unfortunately she has expensive tastes (currently she is advocating a $1,500 biophysical and an $850 grill) and Okrant is already $2,000 poorer.

Money well spent? What will be the return on investment? I would love your thoughts on if it pays to channel Oprah -- feel free to comment over at Queercents.

Are local businesses adding fuel surcharges to their services?

2008-08-18T05:22:00.000-07:00

“Bad excuses are worse than none.” – Thomas Fuller

The young couple that supplies our home cleaning service announced last week the price was increasing from $80 to $90 per visit. The reason: rising gas prices.

Our plumber recently came by to free the clog in the bathroom sink. His service call was $98. In 2005, a similar event produced a charge of $80. Reason for the increase: rising gas prices.

Are gas prices really the culprit or is this just an excuse for service businesses to give themselves a raise? I figured more people would be asking this same question, but I had to surf the superhighway to Tucson in order to find a newspaper online covering this fuel surcharge trend:

Whether Fluffy needs a trim, you broke your key off trying to get into your car, your toilet is leaking or you are having an appliance delivered, the rising cost of gas is eventually going to cost you.

But you’ll see in the comments that one reader does that math and thinks the reasoning doesn’t compute:

If a van gets 10 mpg and gas has gone up $.50 gallon, that means the van has to travel 100 miles before costing the owner $5 extra. It’s just another way to raise the prices and blame gas costs.

Umm, he makes a good point. But this business of a fuel surcharge isn’t just for mom and pop type companies. UPS uses an index-based fuel surcharge that adjusts monthly. The New York Taxi Workers Alliance urged the Bloomberg administration to impose a fuel surcharge on taxicab fares. They cited soaring gasoline prices and argue this makes it harder for cab drivers to earn a living. Of course, they want the cost passed on to consumers.

What do you think? Well, if you think this is hogwash, you’re not alone. Slate magazine questioned this practice with its usual eloquence:

At first blush, fuel surcharges seem like transparent, mathematically determined means for companies to recoup their expenses for the unexpectedly high price of gasoline. But as they spread into other industries, fuel surcharges more and more seem as if they’re just an au courant way of raising prices, while duping customers into thinking they’re not paying more.

More recently, fuel surcharges have been spilling over into other services where they’re even more absurd. Today, I sorted through a month’s worth of bills from the service providers who visit my slice of suburban heaven each month. The company that fertilizes my lawn charges a $2.50 fuel surcharge every time it visits, but the tick-control sprayer (this is Connecticut, where fear of Lyme disease runs rampant) doesn’t. Both are based in the same town. The landscaper, whose Ecuadorean employees arrive each week in a gas-guzzling pickup trick and then spiff up our lawn with gas-guzzling mowers and blowers, imposes no fuel surcharge. Neither does the pool guy or Peapod. But the garbage carter does – $3 per month. Does it really require that much extra gas for the truck to travel the extra 200 feet from our neighbor’s house twice a week?

Leave it to the writers at Slate to tell it like it is. I love those guys. And that article was from 2006 when gas prices were averaging $3.03 per U.S. gallon across the U.S. I can only imagine the biting wit if the article had been written today.

But some companies are doing just the opposite… using gas prices as a way to entice customers to come back:

But there’s one industry – one you probably never would think of as being impacted by the price of oil – which is now using gas cards to lure customers back. Are you ready for this? It’s prostitution.

Yes, the ladies at the Shady Lady Ranch out near Beatty, Nevada, where prostitution is legal, have also seen a downturn in business due to the high cost of gas. It seems that the truckers who normally frequent their spread have stayed away since gas rocketed past $4.00+ a gallon, and diesel even more.

And the entrepreneurs they are, they now tout a “July Special” on their website: spend $300 (for one hour) and you’ll receive a $50.00 gas card, a $100 card for spending $500 (two hours) and a $150 card for a $800 (three-hour) rendezvous. It’s an interesting twist on the value of providing added-value.

What have you seen from your local businesses? I’d love to hear your thoughts over at Queercents. In the meantime, I’m writing a check to the cleaning service for an extra ten bucks this week so our house can continue to sparkle.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Five Things Not Worth Repairing

2008-08-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

“Don’t throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.” – Swedish Proverb

In the last year, my iPod died, my Blackberry broke, 8 (yes 8!) of our 12 new Riedel wine glasses shattered, Jeanine’s pricey camera lens cracked, and today the coffee maker seems to be on the brink.

When does it pay to fix things? Or should we toss and replace? Obviously, we can’t fix the wine glasses, but often things can be refurbished. But it’s not always worth repairing. AOL Money lists the Top Five Things Never to Repair. Check out the article to understand why. But here are the items:

Computers
Digital cameras
MP3 players
Microwaves
Cell phones

Do you agree? Disagree? What else is on your list? Coffee maker is on mine. Before I can replace, I’m out the door for a Starbucks run this morning. Please feel free to comment over at Queercents.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Unlimited Vacation Policy: the flip side of flexibility

2008-08-11T05:44:00.000-07:00

“No vacation goes unpunished.” – Karl Hakkarainen

These days, many companies are experimenting with what is described as an unlimited vacation policy but career writers are asking if this is nothing more than corporate-speak for no vacation at all. Marci Alboher at Shifting Careers gives these details:

One of the trendy perks at progressive companies is unlimited vacation time. The pitch is that responsible adults are capable of managing their own time so why not allow them to decide which hours and days to work as long as the work gets done. It’s yet one more way that the employed are starting to resemble the self-employed.

She points readers to this article in The Boston Globe Magazine that contemplates if this policy is really such a good thing. At first glance, it rings of work life balance, but does it actually result in people taking less time off?

I’ve worked at companies that offered unlimited vacation time and I prefer having the number of weeks noted upfront in my employment contract. After all, when you have a set number of vacation days, it gives you permission to really take them.

But an article in BusinessWeek thinks vacation policies are antiquated:

Counting days and hours is a holdover from the industrial era that makes no sense for information workers who can do their jobs without being at their desks at set hours, proponents of such changes say.

The tethered 24/7 connection to work brings up another great point. Here a Microsoft employee calls it unlimited time off with a side order of guilt by asking this question:

What would you rather have, unlimited vacation time with your laptop riding shotgun or a set amount of vacation time when you are seriously expected to be out of the office?

So is unlimited time off becoming a best practice for HR? Some argue this perk helps attract and retain motivated workers. Consider the Gen Yers who are known for not wanting to punch a clock and therefore expect more vacation time upon entering the rat race.

I doubt as Americans, we’ll ever get the same vacation time as our European counterparts, but do you think this trend is helping? Or is it creating the opposite effect? Please share your comments and experiences over at Queercents.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Ten Money Questions for Vicki Wagner

2008-08-08T06:49:00.000-07:00

Vicki Wagner is a funny girl, but she gets serious when it comes to dating. A comedian since 2001, Vicki wrote “Get a Gay Date Today, How to Market Yourself for Love” to offer vital strategies for gays and lesbians on the quest for love and connection. (There’s also a straight version!) The book boils it down to the game of “selling” to the right kind of “buyers” and this is the guidebook with how-tos.

Vicki is also the host of “Lesbian Knows Best,” a tell-it-like-it-is Internet talk show about relationships in which she freely dishes out advice. Sometimes though, the best advice comes with a price ($29.95 to be precise!), but the return on investment is pretty hard to beat. By the end of the book, you’ll be getting dates. Of course, the love part is up to you.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

The Top Personal Finance Blogs by Women

2008-08-06T05:52:00.000-07:00

“Rank does not confer privilege or give power. It imposes responsibility.”– Peter F. Drucker

Yesterday, Wise Bread put together a list of Top Personal Finance Blogs by Women. The post was prompted by Lynn Truong’s attendance at the BlogHer conference in San Francisco last month where she expected to run into quite a few personal finance bloggers… after all, there were over a thousand women bloggers attending the event. The conference planners set aside a room for a personal finance meet-up and nobody showed except the host, sponsors and contingency of writers from Wise Bread. I attended BlogHer 07 and AOL sponsored a lunch with Mary Hunt, AOL Money Coach and author of Debt-Proof Living. The turn out was about the same.

So where are all the women personal finance bloggers? And why are women afraid to write about money? Or are they writing about money but their blogs are classified as something besides personal finance blogs. Here are a couple of comments from the Wise Bread post:

I think the fact that women write about personal finance (mostly) from a personal perspective causes a lot of PF blogs to get classified as other sorts of blogs- family or mommy or giveaways etc- in the minds of the authors. Almost as if there were the attitude that I’m a mom, so it’s a mommy blogger talking just about money.

I consider my own site a hybrid between personal finance and mom-blogging, even though I almost exclusively write about finance and frugality.

I think it’s interesting what one commenter said about women financial blogs being written from a personal perspective giving the impression that they are mommy blogs or whatever. I find it interesting because Trent from The Simple Dollar writes from a personal perspective but people just accept it as is, without putting him in the same camp of personal blogs.

A year ago, I looked at this topic in a similar way by noting how few women rank in the Top 100 Personal Finance blogs. Only two blogs written by women made it into the Top 25. In a follow up post, Kay Bell at Don’t Mess with Taxes weighed in on the topic. She writes:

I do believe there are gender differences in how women and men approach finances… Even today, some gender-specific societal expectations manage to persist. That’s a topic for a whole ’nother set of blogs. But perhaps some of these antiquated ways are partly behind a trend I’ve noticed. That is, a lot of women take a more “supportive” fiscal approach, focusing on money maintenance, holding on to what they have, instead of taking steps to advance it.

We need to get over that right now and get more aggressive when it comes to money — making it, saving it, investing it. The go-for-it approach seems to be more typical of male financial bloggers. Men, at least in my anecdotal observations, are more apt to be risk takers with their money. They embrace the idea that to make more money you sometimes have to take some financial risks with what you’ve got.

Okay, so men and women think differently about money. Why is that? Perhaps this classification stems from something broader and we can partly blame the media. Look no further than the magazines lined up at the newsstand. Women get touchy-feely encouragement and men get hard-hitting advice.

Do you find this is the same with personal finance blogs? Those written by women focus more on the emotions around money while the guys are writing about what we should be doing with our money. I’m certainly guilty of this. For every post I write about creating an alternative revenue stream, there are three about my fears with spending or my emotions around not saving enough.

Am I over simplifying this topic by making such a broad statement: women are one way and men another? Agree or disagree? Let me know what you think in the comments section over at Queercents.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Preservation: balancing personal choice with property rights

2008-08-04T06:04:00.000-07:00

“No person shall… be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.” – Fifth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution

This summer there has been hot public debate in my community about the future of a medical office building. It’s not just any office building. It’s been deemed as having historical significance because it was designed in 1963 by Richard Neutra, one of modernism’s most important architects.

The building’s owner had submitted permits for a new building project on the site which meant the Mariners Medical Arts Center was destined for the wrecking ball:

But after local architects and community members protested the project, city officials looked into documents referencing the building and new construction. After doing so, they decided to put a suspension on the building permit.

They cited the California Environmental Quality Act that requires a study to determine environmental effects. Historical significance (due to its noted architect) is included in this category. Architecturally speaking, the building is spectacular and representative of the pure, clean look of the period when it comes to design and construction. That said, the building in its current state is a mess. It’s still in use, but in dire need of some TLC.

So what does this have to do with money? Well, quite a bit. The building owners can’t do what they want with their building. Yet at the same time, it’s a shame that a piece of history will be destroyed if they’re allowed to follow through on their project.

What is the balance between personal choice, property rights and all the good that architectural preservation represents?

Let me use a different scenario to make a similar point. Remember when Bill over at Queercents questioned government regulation as it relates to consumers being required to switch from incandescent light bulbs to compact fluorescents (CFLs):

As a gay man, I’m very sensitive to government attempts to micromanage my life. I don’t want the government telling me how I should live - and that includes who I can sleep with, what sex toys I can buy, what goals I can save for, and what light bulbs I can use. I want the freedom to make my own choices, and I want to let other people make their own. Light bulb laws are a heavy-handed way of achieving a very narrow goal, and they remove individual choice and values from the equation. The cultural cost of light bulb laws is that they reinforce the idea that it’s ok for the government to make personal decisions for us.

On another post I asked him how we balance the reach of government with rules. Should there be one standard for business and another when it applies to our personal freedom of choice? He replied:

As a libertarian, I usually draw a line based on property rights. The basic principle is that an individual should be able to do what he wants with his own property, on his own property, so long as he does not infringe on the property of others in so doing. As applied to my Light Bulb Laws post, this means that if I’m not polluting with my incandescent bulbs, I should be able to use them. This was the also underlying principle for my argument that power generation should have cleanup costs built-in, because otherwise the pollution is a violation of property rights regardless of what kind of light bulb you’re using. If we all had to pay for our pollution in the first place, it would not only encourage use of CFLs, but it would make clean power more economically viable. That’s why I see the CFL laws as short-sighted and ultimately rather pointless - they do nothing about the million other ways to waste power, while restricting individual choice.

Here’s another example. Think back to the landscaping company that refused to perform work for a gay couple building a home in Houston. Do business owners have the right to choose to do business with anyone they like even if it is discriminatory?

I’m all for preserving personal choice. After all, personal freedom is one of the great things about this country. But it’s a tricky issue in my opinion… especially when restricting choice impacts our pocketbooks.

Bill concludes his light bulb post with this thought:

If we leave these decisions in the hands of consumers, we reinforce the notion that this is a country of individuals with different values, and that it’s ok for people to choose different approaches to solving problems. If we take these decisions away from individuals, we can look forward to the day when someone lobbies for a ban on tampons and wants to force women to use the Mooncup to reduce waste.

So what do you think? I’m looking for your views about property rights, rather than tampon use, but I welcome all comments over at the original post at Queercents.

Shifting your 401(k) on the Shifting Careers blog at NYTimes.com

2008-08-01T05:58:00.000-07:00

“The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.” – George Foreman

Remember when I asked the question at Queercents, “Why did you cash out your 401(k)?” Your comments were my inspiration for a guest post yesterday over at the Shifting Careers blog.

Marci Alboher, the Shifting Careers columnist for The New York Times, invited me to post about work and money. While our 401(k) might lack the sizzle of other financial topics, the treatment of these funds throughout our career is what will set us apart in retirement.

If you’re not familiar with her Shifting Careers column and blog, Marci is also known as the author of One Person/Multiple Careers: A New Model For Work/Life Success (reviewed here). We were introduced last year when I was writing for BlogHer and she participated in the Ten Money Questions series.

Yesterday’s post begins with this:

In the last decade, I’ve had six different employers. I work in technology where it looks like 18 to 24-month stints will likely be the norm for the foreseeable future. Try explaining this to my mother who has saved every business card of my illustrious career. Each time I’ve changed jobs or ahem, been “smartsized,” I’m confronted by the decision to “cash out, leave put or rollover” funds from my 401(k). Apparently, I’m not alone in this dilemma.

Continue reading at Shifting Careers.

How to save money on tickets: Max Deale dishes out advice in Sold Out... So What!

2008-07-30T06:29:00.000-07:00

“What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the World Series.” – Dave Barry

Max Deale is a ticket hound. As a self-described Ticket Jedi, he knows the ins and outs of getting cheap tickets for the best seats in the house. I met Max last weekend at a friend’s summer soiree. When the conversation turned to his pending book tour and the promotional power of blogs, he jumped at the chance to give me an autographed review copy of Sold Out… So What!

As I was still savoring my first cocktail and trying to get my hands on some hors d’oeuvres, I glanced at the cover illustration and couldn’t help but peg him for a fan of Howard Stern or perhaps, Joe Francis, the guy that made the Girls Gone Wild videos. Apparently, his target audience is the twentysomething, straight dude with a love of heavy metal bands and sporting events.

I thought about giving the book back since I didn’t think it was a fit for readers over at Queercents, but then I decided to be a bit more open minded. After all, he seemed open-minded. Here he was, upon the invitation of his girlfriend, working the room at a party primarily filled with hot-looking gay men. The least I could do is try and have the same inclusive mindset.

So I took the book. And this week I read it in less time than it takes me to get through an issue of The New Yorker. Before you dismiss it as self-published schlock, hear me out about how it can save you money.

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve only been to about 10 concerts in my entire life… and this includes the 3 times I saw Amy Grant & Michael W. Smith as a born-again, Christ-like teenager. Obviously, I’m not much of a concert-goer, although we splurged for Babs back in 2006 (at $200 a pop for her “final” farewell tour). Where was Max then? Sitting in the third row behind Hollywood’s A-List but in front of the D-List. I don’t think he has an affinity for Streisand, but if he did, this would have been the likely scenario.

The chapters in Sold Out… So What! are sectioned into quarters and filled with a lot of sports analogies. He refers to his tips as “plays” and uses the term “stealing bases” to describe techniques for landing in a better seat section. With regards to buying cheap tickets, I was expecting more than the “working Craigslist or eBay on the day of the show” ideas, but there are a few other plays to get sold out tickets when brokers and scalpers are grabbing up most tickets before they go on sale these days. Even the New York Times chimed in last year with the same complaint about fans losing out to the inflated prices. Most of his techniques though require you to be flexible and willing to snag a ticket on the day of or hours before the show or event.

That said, the best ideas in the book are his thoughts on getting closer once you get in. But keep in mind, that it takes a certain personality to follow his plays. I remember doing this twice with Partner #2 – once during Lilith Fair and another at a tennis event – both times we got caught and were told to leave. At the tennis event, we were with Kristy McNichol and even her 70s star power couldn’t convince security that we belonged in the VIP section.

Needless to say, I’m not one for getting closer. But Max offers some creative ways to make this happen if you’re so inclined. So if you attend a lot of concerts or sporting events, then this book will save you money. You can order it on Amazon or by visiting www.MaxDeale.com.

In the meantime, I have one signed copy that is yours for the taking. Give me a good comment about this ticket topic over at Queercents and I’ll pick the best one so you can get your game on with Sold Out… So What!

Three reasons to play tennis instead of golf: money, money, money

2008-07-28T05:53:00.000-07:00

“I play more tennis than golf now.” – Greg Norman, who recently married Chris Evert

Like typical lesbians, Jeanine and I enjoy the game of golf. But with each round, I’m always conscious of the cost. After all, my money personality feels tested every time we shell out $75 to $150 to tee off at a nice public course in Orange County or Palm Desert.

Over the July 4th holiday, we used a gift certificate that Jeanine received for two rounds at a nearby course. We had never played there before so I asked the guy in the pro shop how much the round would have cost us: $178 a piece! We had a fantastic time, but not 356 dollars worth of fun… especially if I had to pay for it.

No matter how you slice it, golf is expensive. Jeanine would likely play more, but I’m the one holding us back from a money perspective. Whenever she suggests that we play, my typical first reaction is, “I don’t want to spend the money.”

She wins out about 5 or 6 times a year: usually because it gets tagged on as part of a weekend in Palm Springs. I’m an easy target when pool-lounging-in-the-desert is part of the package. I’m less likely to want to play when we can be doing other things that are free around Southern Cal… like riding our bikes, going for a hike or playing tennis.

Each time I pick up a club, I’m often reminded of the interview I did with Deb Price, a syndicated columnist writing about gay issues. I had read that she and her partner had paid off their mortgage and asked her how they cut back over the years to live below their means. She replied:

The “tennis lesson” is incredibly valuable. We’ve played tennis for 22 years, the length of our relationship, and now play on a gay doubles team in Washington, D.C., which throws in the priceless gift gay friends as well. We always travel with our tennis rackets, and we’ve played everywhere from the Luxembourg Gardens in Paris to the Old Cataract Hotel in Egypt that Agatha Christie fans will remember.

Tennis has brought us incredible joy, but at a teeny fraction of what golf would have cost. Our rackets are easily five years old at a combined cost of about $400, and we usually play on (free) public courts. All that saved money – added with taking lunch to work, buying gas on the cheaper side of town, abandoning “retail therapy” and rarely buying new clothes – is then freed up to have the splurge vacation, which is something we both really value.

It’s true. We can outfit ourselves and play tennis for a whole year for what it costs to play two rounds at the above mentioned golf club. Besides, Slate magazine thinks golf is horrible for America:

There are enough overweight out-of-shape people as it is, and you get guys spending five hours on the few days they have off away from their families playing golf, and then going out to eat and drink afterward. It’s horrible. There’s a Cain-and-Abel element at play here. Golf and tennis are essentially sibling rivals, both raised in white polo shirts, one wielding a 9-iron, the other a wooden racquet, who, during the leisure boom after World War II, left their stuffy country club to seek fame and fortune on a larger scale.

Health reasons aside, Hank Greenberg and Carl Icahn think golf is horrible for American business:

“I hate golf,” former AIG chairman Greenberg told the assembled crowd of investment bankers. “I play tennis. It doesn’t take long. Then I get back to work.” After his talk we asked Greenberg about the popularity of golf among corporate executive.

“A lot of people like to get away from their work,” he said. “You have to wonder about whether they like what they’re doing.”

Icahn, the legendary corporate raider turned shareholder activist, was even more dismissive of golf. For him golf players symbolized the kind of clubby, chummy corporate executive he thinks is dragging down American business.

“These guys would rather play golf, slap each other on the back,” he said. “I want a guy running a company who sits in his tub at night thinking about the challenges he faces. The guy who can’t let it go. The focused guy.”

He has a point. Who has four hours to blow? Even on a weekend. Tennis provides a great form of entertainment at a fraction of the cost. What do you think? What are your sports costing you? Please feel free to comment at original post over at Queercents.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Are gay men wealthier than straight men?

2008-07-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

“Spending is quick, earning is slow.” – Russian proverb

According to a new national survey conducted online by Harris Interactive, nearly half (48%) of gay and lesbian adults report they like to keep up with the latest styles and trends. This is compared to only 38 percent of heterosexual adults.

Taking a look only at gay men in the sample:

More than half (53%) report they like to keep up with the latest styles and trends, compared to fewer than one-third (30%) of heterosexual men.
Nearly half (49%) report they tend to upgrade to the latest model or version of a product, compared to 35 percent of heterosexual men.

Apparently, the image of gay affluence lives on. But what do these spending habits reveal? Are gay men wealthier than straight men? Or do they just have the queer eye for shopping?

In a Queercents interview in 2006, Bob Witeck and Wes Combs provided an explanation:

Because only about 20 percent of gay and lesbian households have children in them, we tend to have more discretionary income. What others spend on child care related costs we often spend on ourselves (or save.) In many cases we are also dual income households, which coupled with no children gives us more money to spend than the average consumer.

But John W. Stiles at OutSmart begs to differ and gives his take on the myth:

So we get all of the harm of appearing wealthy, without any of the fun (or security) of actually having the money in our pockets and bank accounts.

Appearance can be deceiving. Consider this guest post awhile back at Queercents from an enterprising twentysomething gay guy in Houston:

I’d probably be rich (really rich, not just rich in appearance) right now if I’d learned earlier that I must live on far less than what I make, and invest the difference, if I ever want to achieve financial security.

Most of my friends are in the same boat - actually, most of my friends are in worse shape (simply because they haven’t stopped to think about their situation.) I have several buds that earn far above the national income average, they drive Lexus and Mercedes cars, and live in trendy downtown lofts or townhouses. But, many of them owe thousands of dollars in credit card debt - just keeping up with the interest payments on those cards keeps them from getting caught up financially… I believe that gay guys are particularly prone to the “keeping up appearances” syndrome. Gay men just seem to really, deeply worry about what their peers think of them - whether it’s how they dress, their physical appearance, or their financial situation.

In the case of finances, keeping up appearances can be very dangerous. Instead of truly striving for financial security by avoiding consumer debt and paying down mortgage debt, many gay men feel compelled to “show off” their relative “wealth” by purchasing cars and clothes and homes and trips and all kinds of things they can’t afford. I’ve done it myself, and you probably know others who’ve done the same thing. You may even be doing it right now.

This tendency isn’t confined to the US. In the UK, a writer at GayFinance ponders the same:

Luxury used to be something that was exclusively for the rich. That’s not the case any more. With increasing affluence, more of us can afford the kind of things that used to be strictly for the Rockefellers. We don’t just go abroad, we go on adventure holidays to New Zealand or Africa. We don’t buy clothes, we buy designer labels…

But too many of us have a “live today, pay tomorrow” attitude. Keeping up with the Joneses can be costly and it’s all too easy to max out the credit card - especially on holiday or at Christmas. If you’re in serious debt or think you might be a “shopaholic”, you should seek help from a debt counsellor.

But even people who don’t have a problem with debt may be spending all their income without thinking about the future. Yes, you can afford the things you like now, but wouldn’t you like to be able to afford them when you’re 60 as well? All too often I meet guys in their late 30s who earn good money and enjoy an affluent lifestyle but who have no savings or investments at all. What do they think they’ll live on when they’re older?

What do you think? Why are gay men different than their straight counterparts when it comes to keeping up with the latest trends and styles? And what does this mean in regards to their wallet? Feel free to comment over at the Queercents post.

Photo Credit: iofoto

How Much Should You Spend on a Wedding Gift?

2008-07-22T06:16:00.000-07:00

“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.” – Old English Rhyme

'Tis the season for weddings… especially if you live in California and know a lot of gays and lesbians. Until the court’s decision came into effect on June 17th, I hadn’t been invited to a wedding in years. Of course, I’ve accompanied Jeanine to a few, but she’s from a sprawling Italian family and you need a chart (and there are charts!) to actually figure out how she’s related to that fourth cousin once removed.

But I haven’t been invited to a wedding of the friend-variety in years. Literally, I think it’s been a decade. I suspect it’s a product of age. I’m forty-one and most of my straight friends got married off years ago… in their late twenties or early thirties.

Point being, I’m a bit rusty with the social graces of nuptial gift giving. But with the legalization of same-sex marriage in California, it’s time to brush up… starting with how much is the right amount to spend on a wedding gift. I did some Web research and SmartMoney magazine tipped me off on the smart amount:

Some say it should reflect the estimated cost that the couple spends on your behalf for the reception meal. Of course, if you’re shipping the gift ahead of time, this can be tricky. Calling the bride and asking whether chicken Marsala or prime rib will be served can be awkward.

The Knot recommends spending between $100 and $150 for weddings in New York and other big cities, and $75 to $100 nationwide. But those are just basic guidelines. Your budget should ultimately be a personal decision, based on how close you are to the couple and how much you can afford to spend.

Hmm, that still seems too subjective. For example, what happens if I need to spend money on transportation and lodging to attend the wedding? According to Craig Smith of Gay Celebrations, the hot destination-wedding is the Four Season Biltmore in Montecito and I know those charming cottages will set you back $800 a night (not to mention, there’s a two night minimum). I’m sure the grooms will negotiate better rates for their guests, but still should I factor in this expense when it comes to how much I spend on the gift?

And then there’s the topic of the gift registry! I won’t ramble off on that tangent, but instead point you to this most excellent post with some ideas about how the marrying types can make sure guests feel like they are more than ATMs.

So how about your thoughts? What’s the right price to spend on a wedding gift? Feel free to comment over at Queercents. No gift-wrap required.

Bank Failures: Is your money safe? The skinny on FDIC insurance limits.

2008-07-21T06:06:00.000-07:00

“The most serious financial crisis of our lifetime…” – George Soros on the US banking crisis

The New York Times recently noted this anecdote in relation to the economy, the current administration and the most recent bank closure:

This week a passing motorist shouted at a crowd waiting outside a branch of IndyMac, the failed bank, “Bush economics didn’t work! They are right-wing Republican thieves!” The crowd cheered.

Regardless of your political views, Elizabeth’s weekly roundup directs readers to the Consumerist where they offer these telling side-by-side photos of then & now and asks the question: What Does A Bank Run Look Like In 2008? A Lot Like 1912. Indeed… history repeats itself.

Is anyone worried there could be more incidents ahead? FDIC insurance is supposed to offer peace of mind. Well, at least up to $100,000 per depositor per insured bank. The rules are listed here in detail.

The FDIC also provides separate insurance coverage for deposit accounts held in different categories of ownership such as joint accounts and revocable trust accounts. Make sure you’re clear on the regulations. For example: coverage for a revocable trust account is based on an owner’s trust relationship with each qualifying beneficiary. In queerspeak, domestic partners don’t qualify as a possible beneficiary. Spouse is defined as a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or wife… thanks to the federal Defense of Marriage Act. Revocable trusts can be a complicated topic so it’s always best to consult your financial advisor for guidance on this one.

But for the simplicity of this post, let’s focus on individuals. Specifically, those individuals that want to have more than $100,000 sitting in a bank instead of other investments. Are you supposed to run all over town opening up accounts in different banks to make sure your money is insured? Well, there’s an easier solution. The Gay Financial Network (gfn.com) has an excellent article about CDARS (the Certificate of Deposit Account Registry Service) and how to get FDIC insurance coverage for the full amount:

Although some 2,000 U.S. banks participate in CDARS it doesn’t seem to get much press… Here’s how it works: without having to place your money yourself in lots of different banks, with CDARS you sign one agreement with a participating local bank or other financial institution of your choice, earn one interest rate, and receive one regular statement. Your local bank divides the money among banks in the network, making sure no accounts exceed FDIC insurance limits. There is no fee, and all of the money is FDIC insured.

Of course, there are rules, so check out the CDARS website. But good to know there’s a solution.

Now for a few reader questions: How is the recent news about IndyMac affecting your confidence in the economy? Is the government’s bail-out of mortgage giants: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac making you panic? Where are you putting your money these days? And does it feel safe? Please feel free to respond over at the Queercents version of this post.

How do you handle errors on restaurant bill?

2008-07-16T05:42:00.000-07:00

“When you make a mistake, admit it. If you don’t, you only make matters worse.” – Ward Cleaver

Last night, Jeanine and I ran a quick errand at South Coast Plaza and as we were leaving we stumbled upon the new Charlie Palmer restaurant. We sat at the bar and ordered two glasses of wine, the cheese plate and a salad. The couple on our left and the woman on our right even offered a taste off their dishes… how friendly is that for Southern California? It turned into a little food fest on a Tuesday night.

Eventually though, I had enough of the impromptu party and placed my credit card where the bartender would notice I was ready to cash out. He took the card and returned with the bill for my signature. I was still talking to the woman who had shared her SHRIMP KABOBS A LA PLANCHA TAMARIND CHIVE GLAZE, CAPONATA SALAD (fantastic, by the way!), so Jeanine opened the bill presenter. After reviewing the line items she said in a soft voice, “He charged you for the $40 Cabernet… what do you want to do?”

“Umm… I’m going to tell him that I didn’t order the $40 glass of Cabernet.”

I’m sure Jeanine thought it would turn into an awkward scene, but there was no way I was going to pay forty bucks for a glass of wine. Earlier, I had even vacillated about the $15 option. Most of their reds were in the $12 range and typically, I’m hesitant to select from the higher priced tier… but it was a Tuesday night and I was only going to have one glass of wine so what’s $3 in the big scheme of things? I ordered it by name. It was something, something, Conn. I assume as in Conn Valley, but regardless I remember saying, “I want the Conn Cab.” This was my way to make sure he knew I wasn’t ordering the $40 option.

When I brought it to the bartender’s attention, he seemed surprised and indicated it was his mistake. He immediately swapped it out for the $15 item and re-presented the bill. No scene. But I suspect there are some people that might feel timid about addressing an error on their dining bill.

Unlike other transactions, diners are in a unique social setting putting them at a disadvantage to examine the bill. Do you think this bartender knew this and took advantage of the situation? After all, I was busy talking and never even saw the bill before handing him my credit card. If Jeanine hadn’t scrutinized the bill for me, I would have likely signed and walked away, saying that was a fun night, but kind of expensive. Hello? A forty dollar glass of wine… was he trying to pull a fast one on me or was it an honest mistake? I still tipped him just shy of 20 percent, but I wonder what Mike over at Queercents would say about the tipping etiquette in this situation.

Anyway, this “error on the restaurant bill” topic over a year ago over at Queercents, but in light of my recent experience, it seems worth repeating Paula’s questions here:

Do you review your dining check in detail?
Would you bring it to the server’s attention if there were an error (especially if that error was in your favor)?
Would the type of dining establishment, amount of the error, or personality of the server influence your actions?
Would your actions change if the restaurant was gay owned and operated?

I’d love to hear your thoughts over at the Queercents post.

Same-Sex Marriage: Five things to consider about your partner’s FICO score.

2008-07-14T05:55:00.000-07:00

“When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage.” – Bill Balance

With all of the coverage about same-sex marriage in California, there have been fewer stories this past month about what happens after the wedding: when couples begin to merge finances, take on debt, etc. So last week, I connected with Julie Wooding at Fair Isaac (the people behind myFICO.com) about the implications of California’s marriage ruling on FICO scores and other related issues for the newly wedded. Here are her answers to my questions…

1. Since California is a community property state, both spouses become responsible for each other’s debts taken on during a marriage. How will this play into one’s FICO score?
What can or may affect a FICO score is limited to the information that is on a consumer’s credit report. First of all, it’s important to remember that each individual consumer will have their own individual credit report. That is, if two spouses open a joint account together, the subsequent record of that account will most likely be reported by the credit bureaus on each individual’s credit report. If the laws of a state govern what debt a spouse may or may not be responsible for, and if this information is not reflected on a consumer’s credit bureau report, it cannot be included in their FICO score.

2. Is it the same if couples just decide to remain domestic partners vs. obtaining a legal marriage?
Absolutely true. The FICO score for an individual consumer, whether they be married or single, will reflect the credit information reported by their own lenders on their credit bureau consumer report.

3. Why should gays and lesbians consider their potential spouse’s FICO credit score and financial history before approaching the altar?
The truth is that this is a wise move for anyone approaching the altar! There are several reasons why this is crucial. Let’s say that Jane and Joan are considering marriage, and they plan to buy a home together and co-sign the mortgage loan. The loan terms that any mortgage lender will offer to Jane and Joan will be influenced by their individual credit ratings or scores. If Joan has paid her credit obligations in a slow and sloppy manner, and has numerous delinquencies on her credit report, her FICO score will likely be lower than Jane’s. The mortgage lender may see Joan’s file as representing greater risk, and therefore may not offer the two the most preferred interest rate or other loan terms. This is something that Jane would likely want to be aware of before tying the knot, I would think. In addition, given Joan’s past tendency to pay her credit obligations in a sloppy manner, it’s possible that she may not pay on time a credit obligation on which they are both joint accountholders. Any delinquency reported on such an account would then be reported on both of their individual credit reports, and it may impact the FICO score for each of them.

4. Are there benefits in married gay couples being “authorized users” of their spouses’ credit card? What are the drawbacks?
Traditionally, the authorized user approach was used by women who didn’t have credit in their own names, and therefore were added as authorized users on their husband’s credit cards. This has also been done for young adults who were added as an authorized user on their parent’s credit cards. These situations generally occur less often these days, when more consumers than ever are obtaining and maintaining credit in their own name. The best way for an individual to improve their credit is to follow several simple rules: Always pay your bills on time; if you’re behind, get current and stay current. Keep credit card balances low, compared to credit limits. Take on new credit only when you really need it.

5. What does marriage mean for mortgage and other loan applications for any newly-married gay or lesbian couples considering big purchases such as a new home?
Newly married individuals seeking a loan to make a significant purchase should make sure to review and understand each individual’s credit history and FICO score. If one individual in the marriage has a long history of meeting credit obligations, but the other individual has been inconsistent or frequently late with payments, it may have a negative impact on the couple’s ability to get a loan. Lenders are reviewing and evaluating each individual’s history and will not simply act solely based on information from the individual with the higher FICO score.
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If you’re newly married, considering marriage or just thinking about living with the love of your life, then there is no time like the present to have the money conversation. Jeanine and I did this in the first few months of dating. And yes, revealing our FICO scores was part of that conversation! Communication is key. In five and a half years, we’ve only had one big money fight. Not a bad track record considering the complexities of love and money!

So have your money conversation today. Literally. For a limited time, myFICO is offering Queercents readers a 20% discount on the FICO Credit Complete (all 3 FICO scores and reports) from July 13th through July 31st, 2008. Visit this link at myFico.com and enter the promo code BLOG20 at checkout.

More about Julie Wooding
Julie Wooding is a Senior Consultant and has been with Fair Isaac since 1993. Working in Fair Isaac’s Scoring Client Services Unit, Julie provides expert consulting to clients in the deployment and strategic use of Fair Isaac scoring solutions. These include the FICO® Credit Risk scores and other Fair Isaac risk, bankruptcy, and marketing scoring tools. She has experience in behavior and risk score development, and previously managed a team of analysts that developed both Classic and NextGen scores for U.S. and Canadian credit bureaus. In her 15 years at Fair Isaac, Julie also served as a strategy consultant, a role in which she worked with clients to develop, evaluate, and continuously improve their account management strategies. Julie holds a B.S. in Finance and an M.B.A. degree.

Ten Money Questions for Craig Smith

2008-07-11T06:04:00.000-07:00

Craig Smith is co-founder of Gay Celebrations, an events planning company that produces high-quality and memorable events tailored to the needs of the LGBT community. As a former studio entertainment special events executive, Craig knows how to deliver distinctive and fiscally-responsible events for gay communities nationwide.

Since June 17th, the monumental “marriage” date in the State of California, Craig has been busy helping gay and lesbian couples plan their big day. He talks about budgets, the best man and the only good reason to take on wedding debt.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Long commute causes buyer’s remorse: how gas prices are affecting life in the exurbs.

2008-07-09T06:03:00.000-07:00

“Remorse goes to sleep during a prosperous period and wakes up in adversity.” – Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Awhile back, a journalist was looking for stories from our readers experiencing buyer’s remorse in the wake of higher gas prices. He wanted to know if anyone bought a house in the exurbs when gas was 3 bucks a gallon and found themselves rethinking their decision now that the price is closer to $5.00.

When his colleague beat him to the punch with this article: Fuel Prices Shift Math for Life in Far Suburbs, I decided to print a story from one of our readers here instead. This comes from Addie Compton:

I bought my modest rowhouse in Baltimore in 2005 at the exact height of the real estate boom here. My home is in southwestern Baltimore city and I work in a DC suburb in Prince George’s County. It’s an hour commute, when traffic is moving well. And it is all highway commuting. My girlfriend works in DC proper - I drop her off at the subway before going in to work myself. There is a subway stop near where I work. However it is a 2 hour train ride with several transfers (from commuter rail to two different subway lines). I’m not willing to do that.

I would have loved to live closer. I looked in DC and the Maryland suburbs. However, there was literally nothing in my price range when I started looking. I bought my 3 bedroom, 1 bath house for $150,000. (I won’t live in Virginia.) Everything was $200,000 and above - usually much, much above. And this includes marginal neighborhoods with bad schools and significant crime problems. (Prices have not dropped much here. There is still very little available for $150,000 or below.)

So I started looking in Baltimore city. I had lived in the city 10 years before and loved it. I still really enjoy Baltimore. My choices three years ago were buy in Baltimore or not buy at all and continue renting.

I don’t exactly have buyer’s remorse. I do have carbon guilt for all the carbon my five days a week, two hours a day driving. Otherwise, I live in a small house in a city, eat local as much as possible, recycle and so on. My impact, barring driving, is less than the average American. And while the high gas prices are brutal, we make enough that they are not a crushing burden.

However, my girlfriend and I cannot move until we have a significant down payment. Much of that down payment will come from the sale of our current home. And while I did not overpay for my home, it is not appreciating quickly anymore. We could sell it right now for $150,000 or slightly more ($155,000 or so). (During the craziness, Zillow.com rated it as worth over $200,000 which I knew was inflated.) I need my home to be worth $180,000 or more in order to have enough for a down payment to move into the DC metro market.

I don’t regret buying the house but I’m not happy about my carbon footprint. And I’m stuck.

Apparently, homeowners don’t have the lock on regret. Our own Jennifer indicated she has renter’s remorse after they chose to rent in Silver Spring (a suburb of DC), though she works in the District. With gas costs, she notes commuting has become a major expense.

What’s next? Christopher B. Leinberger at The Atlantic Monthly declares the suburbs could become The Next Slum by suggesting that: The subprime crisis is just the tip of the iceberg. Fundamental changes in American life may turn today’s McMansions into tomorrow’s tenements.

So what do you think? At one time, did the longer commute seem a worthwhile trade off and now it’s killing your monthly budget? Are you changing your lifestyle to accommodate this added expense? Please feel free to share your experience over at Queercents.

In Search of Gay Money: 5 smart tips to manage money with your honey

2008-07-08T05:39:00.000-07:00

As gays and lesbians writing about money, we’ve grown weary of reading all the personal finance content that’s written from the perspective of straight marriages. So at Queercents, we’ve turned the tables on money and relationship advice by asking: What if all of our favorite money columnists were gay? Would their advice be more relevant to our lives?

We think the answer is yes! And as such, this is our weekly series called In Search of Gay Money where we reprint their advice by swapping out pronouns and a few other words to make it seem like everyone is queer!

Click over to Queercents to read 5 smart tips to manage money with your honey by Jean Chatzky and Queercents.

Are you shopping online to save time, money and gas?

2008-07-07T06:17:00.000-07:00

“Time is money.” – Benjamin Franklin

TIME.com recently reported that visits to online shopping sites are increasing. You would think people would be buying less these days. But wait – it makes sense that consumers are searching progressively more online instead of driving around, looking for deals and ultimately wasting time, money and gasoline.

In the column, Bill Tancer, an online search expert at Hitwise, points out:

When I draw a chart, I start with a hypothesis. In studying online shopping’s relationship to our shaky economy – from high oil prices to the housing crisis and talks of recession – I expected that a chart of visits to online retailers would show a precipitous decline. According to the latest Reuters/University of Michigan Consumer Index, consumer confidence has reached the lowest level in 28 years. Yet the facts show that my hypothesis is completely wrong: Visits to online shopping sites are up compared to the previous year.

What are you buying online these days that you didn’t buy online a year or two ago?

1. Home-delivered entertainment items like DVD’s (e.g. have you made the switch to Netflix, instead of driving to Blockbuster?), CD’s, books, etc.
2. Computers and electronics
3. Clothing and accessories
4. Health items like vitamins and prescription drugs
5. Groceries (if you live in Seattle, now there’s AmazonFresh, otherwise, I’m not sure what healthy, organic options you have.)
6. Any item that can be bought used.

The Time.com article continues:

Online comparison shopping engines such as Shopzilla, Shopping.com and Pricegrabber, have, as a category, increased at a rate of 59.9% over the previous year… The online classifieds website Craigslist.org is up 93.4% comparing the week ending May 31, 2008 to the same time period in 2007.

It appears more people are shopping online looking for deals and buying second-hand items too. But PC Magazine suggests that you can even find the best gas prices on the Web:

A site like GasBuddy.com or GasPriceWatch.com lets you search by ZIP code or city and state to find the cheapest per-gallon price in your neck of the woods. If you’re already on the road you can access GasBuddyToGo.com from your phone’s browser, or send a text message or e-mail with your city, state, and ZIP to gas@gasbuddy.com and you’ll get a reply quoting the five lowest-cost locations in that area.

Or instead of the cheapest, why not pre-pay at today’s prices… kind of like the USPS “Forever Stamp” version of gas. Mashable reports:

MyGallons.com is a new web site offering you the ability to pre-pay for gas at today’s prices, under the assumption that prices will continue to rise. For example, if you buy 20 gallons at today’s price of $4.10 on MyGallons and the price is up to $4.50 next time you fill up, using your MyGallons card would save you $8.

But be careful. MyGallons received some recent bad press. Although they’ve announced a new payment network because of it… still, proceed cautiously if you decide to sign up.

Finally, whatever you’re buying, just make sure you’re a happy online shopper… as it’s been reported that sad shoppers spend 4 times as much money.

So what are you buying these days online? And are you saving money and gas because of it? Please feel free to comment over at Queercents.

Would you risk your life to get out of debt?

2008-07-04T06:07:00.000-07:00

“True individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence.” – Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Sometimes a year makes all the difference in someone’s life. Remember Nick Sloan? I posted about him last year on July 4th. He was writing a blog as a soldier in Iraq… except his theme was different from most military journals penned from the Green Zone: Nick wrote a personal finance blog called Journey to Financial Freedom.

You see, money was the reason he was serving in Iraq. Nick, a captain in the Air Force, signed up for this tour as a way to earn extra money and minimize his living expenses. Why? He had over $70,000 in debt and this was a major part of his plan to pay it off and get his finances back on track.

Eventually, Nick’s story got around the blogosphere and The New York Times even ran a lengthy profile about his money story. Soon after, he retreated from the public forum of blogging. I suspect the publicity brought quite a bit of traffic to his site and image a lot of those readers weren’t the supportive types you find in the personal finance blogging community. Most people have an opinion about the war and I suspect it made Nick an easy target for the crazies trolling the net.

Regardless of why, Nick took his site down and stopped blogging, but I saved his email address and was able to get in touch with him for this anniversary post. He replied and it sounds like he’s a happy man:

I am safely back from Iraq now, and I am slowly adjusting back to normal life. I did succeed in my financial goals, for the most part. I am completely debt free, other than my mortgage, and I am in the process of paying cash for a late model used car. I am definitely following the personal finance rules that you advocate on your site.

Debt free was the destination. The journey is what will keep him there. Nick, we wish you and your family a very happy Fourth of July. Live long and prosper!

Photo credit: The New York Times

Make your money work harder: Dollar Bill Origami

2008-07-03T05:51:00.000-07:00

“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard

It’s likely to be a slow day at the office for most people since we’re on the cusp of a three day holiday weekend. If there are still 8 hours of cubicle nation between you and the start of your Fourth of July festivities, then here’s something to do with your pocket full of money:

Master the art of dollar bill origami

There are plenty of web sites with step-by-step instructions… This month’s issue of Southwest’s in-flight magazine explains how to morph your money with a few easy folds and make it work harder for you… or at least make it work at entertaining your coworkers during your third Frappuccino run today.

Awhile back, Phil at Queercents explained that he learned to make a T-shirt with a dollar-bill as a kid. Apparently he used this newfound skill in bars and quite possibly as part of drinking games, but recommends that you don’t give the bartender a tip out of dollar-bill origami. He tried this once and writes, “That seemed to annoy him.” I suspect that Phil didn’t go home with the bartender that night.

But that doesn’t mean your nephew won’t appreciate the twenty bucks folded up as a spider and presented to commemorate his eight grade graduation. One of the best lists of folding diagrams is found here.

So after today, if you’re hooked on money folds and want more… Join the Moneyfolders interest group at Yahoo... there’s actually been activity on its message board in the last seven days. Who knew people spent time doing this?

Fold away… the Fourth is just around the corner!

In Search of Gay Money: Schedule a Money Date

2008-07-01T06:06:00.000-07:00

As gays and lesbians writing about money, we’ve grown weary of reading all the personal finance content that’s written from the perspective of straight marriages. So at Queercents, we’ve turned the tables on money and relationship advice by asking: What if all of our favorite money columnists were gay? Would their advice be more relevant to our lives?

We think the answer is yes! And as such, this is our weekly series called In Search of Gay Money where we reprint their advice by swapping out pronouns and a few other words to make it seem like everyone is queer!

Click over to Queercents to read Schedule a Money Date by Kimberly Lankford and Queercents.

Staycation: staying home is the new vacation

2008-06-30T06:39:00.000-07:00

“Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands – and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.” – Sam Ewing

Last week, I asked Queercents readers what their tipping point was with gasoline prices… some said $3.50 per gallon while others indicated $5.00. Point being, people are rethinking how much time they spend in the car. They’re also rethinking where they’re vacationing this summer. Many are staying home. Or taking a staycation instead of a vacation.

Andy Wibbels didn’t coin the phrase, but he pointed readers to this article that did: Staycations: Alternative to pricey, stressful travel:

AAA Vice President Mark Brown says the slowing economy and high fuel prices “have pushed some Americans to what we call the traveling tipping point. It’s clear that a small number of us may choose to stay home … and relax with friends and family rather than take a vacation.”

Gas prices appear to “have nowhere to go but up, and consumers and airlines in the United States are being dragged along for a very uncomfortable ride,” Brown said.

Economics aside, “staying at home for a vacation can be enormously restorative and transformative and fits much, much better into a lot of people’s schedules and logistics,” said Kristie McLean, a life coach in Seattle, Washington.

So what’s the secret to making a staycation a success? Making plans. Otherwise, the experts warn that it’s tough to avoid sloth mode. Plus, staying home means it’s easy to stay plugged into work:

Being close to home probably means you’ll have e-mail access and you’re physically close to work. But just because you can check your e-mail or scroll through your BlackBerry doesn’t mean you should.

So if you really need a get-a-way to unplug, then check out these Queercents suggestions:

Ashkan’s new series: How to Travel During Tough Economic Times Part 1 and Part 2
Jennifer’s post about: Family Holidays on the Cheap
Moorea’s live and travel rent free tips: House-sitting and Couch-Surfing!
Or my post about: Tacking on a Vacation at the End of Business Trip

Ten Money Questions for Torie Osborn

2008-06-27T05:45:00.000-07:00

Torie Osborn has been a social activist for 40 years. Most recently, she was the highest-ranking gay or lesbian official in Los Angeles, while serving as special assistant to Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa.

A couple of months ago, her thoughtful essay appeared as the Modern Love column in The New York Times. The theme: love, money and “paperwork” as she describes. I tracked her down to elaborate on the financial parts of both her personal and professional life.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Gas prices, the tipping point and tips to save money on gasoline.

2008-06-25T05:44:00.000-07:00

“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” – George Carlin

About a year ago, the Washington Post conducted a poll finding:

The average price that drivers said would compel them to significantly cut back on their driving was $4.38 a gallon. In the western United States, where gasoline prices are typically higher than in the rest of the country, the average respondent said the price would have to hit $5.12 a gallon.

In California, we’re quickly closing in on the $5.12 a gallon and according to Walter, prices could even climb to $8.00 a gallon.

Oil companies and analysts have long debated where the tipping point is for gasoline — the price that would cause a significant drop in consumption or prompt motorists to opt for autos with better gasoline mileage.

People used to believe the tipping point was $3.00 a gallon. Well, obviously 3 bucks didn’t do the trick. What is or was the tipping point for you?

If it’s already happened for you then here are 29 Ways to Save Money on Gas. I’ve highlighted ten below but click over to the guy’s complete list for the expanded explanation:

1. Brake the Right Way: the less you have to break, the less you have to accelerate. A car consumes more gas as it accelerates.
2. Shifting Manual: a manual transmission is supposed to be more fuel efficient.
3. Reduce Weight: keep the trunk empty.
4. Turn Your Car Off: an idling car burns fuel… more fuel than it takes to restart it again.
5. Drive Slower: driving fast increases the drag and therefore increases fuel consumption.
6. Close Your Windows: opening your windows increases the drag as well and uses more fuel.
7. Fill Up at Arco: it pays to drive by Chevron and Shell and find an Arco station.
8. Pick a Better Route: avoid heavy traffic and the route with a lot of traffic lights.
9. Ride the Slipstream: don’t tailgate, but on long trips drive your car into another cars slipstream and you will use less fuel.
10. Carpool and Combine Trips: do the math.
Bonus: Buy a More Fuel Efficient Car: eventually we all need a new car… make a better choice the next time around.

Any other ideas? Feel free to list them over at Queercents.

DIY vs. Hiring out: When is it worth the time and cost of doing it yourself?

2008-06-23T05:49:00.000-07:00

“If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

Jeanine and I recently spent two weekends improving our garage. We’ve lived in our house for three years and despite cleaning it out several times, we still couldn’t get 2 cars in the 2-car garage. When we did make room for my 8-year-old Volvo, it would eventually get banished back to the curb within days.

About a month ago we had our first home study appointment for the pending adoption and the social worker pointed out the many violations in our garage that would require child-proofing. We decided before her second appointment, we should tackle this albatross and finally make the 2-car garage live up to its name. The social worker returned with her checklist last week and the house and garage passed with flying colors. The garage feels like a bonus in all this baby preparation.

There’s also something very family-like when I look at the house now with two cars in the garage. Parking in front always seemed a bit transient… like I’m not getting too comfortable here or perhaps I don’t belong or I’m just renting. But homeowners have rights to the garage. It’s a good feeling.

So what exactly did we do? We applied floor coating, installed shelves and made two trips to the Goodwill. I’m not sure why we thought the floor and shelves were going to be too challenging to make this a do-it-yourself venture. But the thought stalled us for years and we never got around to doing this project. We’ve had garage-envy many a times when we’d see a friend’s garage with that high-end epoxy floor coating. To have this professionally done, it will set you back about $1,500.

When it comes to DIY projects, I try to follow the same rules as Madame X at MyOpenWallet:

Don’t pay someone else to do what you can easily do yourself
Pay others to do anything that you might really f**k up!
If you can really make better use of the time, pay someone to do things that take up time

We always felt like the floor project might fall in the “really f**k up” category. But we started that Saturday with a trip to our neighborhood Ace hardware store. The guy in the paint department spent 20 minutes with us (you won’t find that at Home Depot) and carefully explained the directions of the Rustoleum Epoxy Shield Garage Floor Coating Kit (we needed 2 kits for the 2-car garage). This set us back about $130.

In order to prep the garage, we moved everything out and on to the back patio. Once it was empty, the shelving (installed by the previous owners) looked bulky and make-shift and the depth was one of the reasons why it was too tight to fit two cars. Jeanine and I looked at each other and made the dyke-with-a-sledge-hammer decision to demolish all four industrial-sized shelves. Now we were committed.

While phase one of the floor coating was drying we went to The Container Store and bought $525 worth of InterMetro Shelves that we had to assemble ourselves. We did and after phase two was completed we put everything back. We also bought heavy duty bike-racks for the walls. I did the drilling. I’m a wall-stud expert now and the bikes are hanging properly like civilized city people.

All the supplies, tools, etc. set us back less $800. We have a new garage (that we improved ourselves) for a fraction of the cost if we had hired out. And apparently people are hiring this project out. Curbly, a site for expert home-improvement advice writes:

Companies devoted strictly to the beautification of garages are springing up everywhere. They offer kitchen-quality cabinetry with European hinges, specialty organizers–including grid walls and bike hoists–and durable floor coating systems.

One such company, Premier Garage, bills itself as the leader in garage remodeling. Questioning one of their sales representatives at a recent home remodeling show, I was told that a standard 2-stall garage could be transformed in 48 hours for about $5,000. When all is said and done, it would probably look nicer than most people’s kitchens, and for 5 grand, it should.

We did ours for one fifth of the cost! J.D. at Get Rich Slowly has his rules too when it comes to doing home improvement projects. He suggests:

The cost and convenience of buying in the store or hiring out often outweigh the advantages of making things yourself. But don’t be duped. There are still many reasons to produce things with your own hands:
Superior quality of goods and workmanship.
Easy customization to suit your needs.
The satisfaction of a job well-done.
To make this worthwhile, do what you love. If you’re doing something you enjoy, something you consider fun, then the cost of your time is not a factor. If I’m planting, growing, and picking grapes, I’m having a good time. But I’d hate to replace my own roof, even if it would save me money.

J.D. also swears by the Reader’s Digest Complete Do-It-Yourself Manual. Of course, not every home improvement project should be a do-it-yourself venture. The DIY Life site and blog have a “Don’t-It-Yourself” category in their home improvement section. You might want to take note.

But epoxy floor coating — take it from two lesbians with an ugly garage — it’s a cinch to do-it-yourself and you’ll love saving a lot of money! So what projects do you DIY instead of hiring out? And what’s been the cost savings? Feel free to comment over at Queercents.

Ten Money Questions for Sabrina Matthews

2008-06-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

Sabrina Matthews wears comfortable shoes and lives “amidst the doughnut shops and dude-speak” of Los Angeles. All this makes great fodder for her comedy routine while providing a healthy perspective on money, the housing market and getting paid to do what she loves.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

5 Ways to Save Money on Your Gay Wedding

2008-06-19T05:51:00.000-07:00

“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” – Barbara de Angelis

Is anyone tired of all the gay marriage news? I suspect the wedding party will last most of this week and then it will taper off just like all news does.

Life will get back to normal and gay couples who yearn for a more private affair can get down to business with planning their ceremony. Gay weddings, just like straight ones cost money so consider the expense before you get too wrapped up in planning your nuptials. Here are five tips:

1. Say “I Don’t” to wedding debt
The straight people have known this for years: Taking out a wedding loan is huge financial mistake. But just like the credit cards companies preyed on the Gen X college students, banks have targeted those of us ready to walk down the aisle. Jeffrey Strain at MainStreet writes:

Both secured and unsecured wedding loans are available, and loan amounts can vary greatly, from as little as $1,000 all the way to the high five-figures. The interest rates you qualify for will depend greatly on your credit rating and whether you choose a secured or unsecured loan. In most cases, even couples with good credit will need to pay double-digit interest rates for a wedding loan, and many will carry interest comparable to what a couple would qualify for with a credit card.

Is a wedding really worth going into tens of thousands of dollars in debt? Probably not. So don’t go overboard and only do what you can afford. This leads to number 2…

2. Budget
Yes, you can plan an affordable wedding. But the key is in the “planning” part. Stick to a budget. This means you have to create a budget first. Here’s a printable Wedding Budget Worksheet along with some Tips for Controlling Wedding Costs. Keep in mind that half of the cost of a wedding will be for the reception. So scale accordingly.

3. Capitalize on the deals
Plan now while the deals are hot. You can get married this fall, but nothing is stopping you from negotiating now. Lyneka Little at MainStreet notes the deals are plentiful and points readers to Visit California, a new Web site that highlights special deals for couples planning their wedding and honeymoon.

4. Ask for help (or at least a discount)
Gays and lesbians are great at pooling the resources of friends… after all; we’ve been putting on holiday parties and fundraisers for years with their help. So think of the photographers, musicians, and good decorators in your life and ask them to be part of your special day. They’ll be honored. Even a few celebs are offering some advice gratis these days.

5. Time-bound the open bar
If it’s free, most people will just keep on drinking. The best way to curb this expense is by having an open bar during cocktail hour and then serving wine with dinner. Otherwise you’ll have people drinking $15 martinis all night… and that will set you back thousands. Believe me.

Here are some other gay and lesbian resources for your special day:

And finally, what to do if you get cold-feet.

How to Undo a Wedding

In Search of Gay Money: Six Money Mistakes of the Newly Partnered

2008-06-17T06:52:00.000-07:00

As gays and lesbians writing about money, we’ve grown weary of reading all the personal finance content that’s written from the perspective of straight marriages. So at Queercents, we’ve turned the tables on money and relationship advice by asking: What if all of our favorite money columnists were gay? Would their advice be more relevant to our lives?

We think the answer is yes! And as such, this is our weekly series called In Search of Gay Money where we reprint their advice by swapping out pronouns and a few other words to make it seem like everyone is queer!

Click over to Queercents to read Six Money Mistakes of the Newly Partnered by Erin Burt and Queercents.

California counting on money from gay marriage

2008-06-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

“California is slightly red with respect to economic policy, and slightly blue with regard to social policy.” – Gavin Newsom

As the California Supreme Court’s decision becomes final today at 5 p.m. PDT for same-sex couples to legally marry, most of the weddings will begin tomorrow. County clerks in Los Angeles and San Francisco have ramped up significantly to accommodate the influx of applicants for marriage licenses and onsite ceremonies.

West Hollywood City Council member John Duran encouraged participants to bring bells to the weddings this week so freedom would literally ring out. This isn’t the only sound that will be heard. Cha-Ching!

That’s money being spent in California. According to the USAToday:

Many California businesses see dollar signs in gay nuptials…

A study prepared by two UCLA law and economics professors, to be released this month, estimates the state’s wedding and tourism-related businesses will see an increase of $683.6 million in direct spending over the next three years by same-sex couples.

Brad Sears, a law professor and one of the authors, said there are more than 102,000 same-sex couples in California. In addition, they estimate more than 67,000 same-sex couples will travel to California to marry.

Jeanine and I went to the “All About Marriage” town hall-style meeting last week at LA Gay and Lesbian Center and upon our departure, the windshields in the parking lot were filled with flyers and business cards from gay wedding planners, travel agents and florists.

According to The Advocate:

Heterosexual couples this year will spend $28,704 per wedding on average, according to the Wedding Report, a group that tracks the industry. But the real money is in tourism. Unlike Massachusetts, California allows couples from all other states to marry there. The more than 4,000 couples who married at San Francisco’s City Hall in 2004 came from 46 different states — and the Macy’s department store there reportedly sold out of wedding rings at the time.

Our state budget is going to get a boost as well. PeterGreenberg.com reported:

California’s sales tax is about 8.25% on average (it varies by county), meaning that gay marriage would potentially add over $200 million in revenue to government coffers over the next three years. Plus, hotel and rental car spending, which are taxed at higher rates, could yield even more cash for local and state treasuries.

Jeanine and I have talked about getting married many times. As I mentioned before, we were going to wait until after the November vote (please Vow to Vote No if you live in California), but now we’re re-thinking this strategy and will likely get married on our sixth year anniversary in October.

It still doesn’t mean we’ll be spending money on a big wedding. Until recently, we never thought it was going to be possible so in the last year, we spent money on our 40th birthdays as a way to mark time and commemorate something… it’s hardly a substitute for a wedding party, but it was an important milestone for each of us.

So if we tie the knot in October it will be a private affair. But it still means we’ll buy rings and probably jaunt off for a long weekend to someplace meaningful. Dollars spent. And that’s good business for California.

Ten Money Questions for Annie Libby

2008-06-13T05:58:00.000-07:00

Annie Libby is a seasoned photographer and President of outLOUD Stock, a gay and lesbian stock photography company she founded in 2007 that challenges stereotypical imagery of queers in mainstream print media. Everyone knows a new business takes capital, so this was the perfect time to ask questions about cash flow, expenses and expanding her market.

She was also a freelancer for years and has useful ideas about self-promotion and the cost of doing business. Read on to learn how creative types thrive and make money! Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

In Search of Gay Money: Financial Fibs Erode Trust in Partnerships

2008-06-10T05:49:00.000-07:00

As gays and lesbians writing about money, we’ve grown weary of reading all the personal finance content that’s written from the perspective of straight marriages. So at Queercents, we’ve turned the tables on money and relationship advice by asking: What if all of our favorite money columnists were gay? Would their advice be more relevant to our lives?

We think the answer is yes! And as such, this is our weekly series called In Search of Gay Money where we reprint their advice by swapping out pronouns and a few other words to make it seem like everyone is queer! This post fits well with yesterday’s review of the new book, Financial Infidelity.

Click over to Queercents to read Financial Fibs Erode Trust in Partnerships by Liz Pulliam Weston and Queercents.

Book Review: Financial Infidelity

2008-06-09T06:03:00.000-07:00

“They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.” – Oscar Wilde

Love and money go hand in hand which is why financial infidelity is often just as damaging to a relationship as a physical affair. Just ask Kathy Griffin.

Better yet, ask Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. She’s an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist (not quite as well-known as Dr. Phil, but she’s made the rounds on Oprah and the morning shows) and author of Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker. For thirty years, she’s been dishing out relationship advice as a New York City therapist.

As a lesbian, I typically shy away from the mainstream relationship books. After all, was there any reason for me to read, He’s Just Not That Into You when it was the hot dating book several years ago? But Financial Infidelity applies to all relationship varieties: straight, gay… perhaps even a trouple operating as a fiscal unit.

In Financial Infidelity, Dr. Bonnie, offers effective solutions to this pervasive relationship threat by enabling readers to:

Assess the true cost of financial infidelity
Understand how buying, rewarding, or controlling behavior with money can open the door to lies, betrayals, and affairs
Understand how childhood relationships to money and love can create damaging emotional links
Separate the value of their relationship from the value of their bank account
Disconnect from harmful emotional and financial behaviors in order to reconnect with their partner

She ends each of the seven steps (chapters) with what she calls Smart Heart dialogue… these are suggested replies to a variety of “money talk” case studies and while most represent straight couples, most of the examples apply to us. Note: At one point, Dr. Bonnie does address the special needs of gays and lesbians in her sections on prenups and cohabitation agreements – a must for those of us that still can’t get married and are shacking up!

She also works with gays and lesbians in her practice in NYC and so I asked her three questions that I thought might enlighten our readers:

1. Does financial infidelity play out any different in gay partnerships vs. straight marriages?
Gays do not “co-mingle” their money due to trust issues and their fear of intimacy which may come out by “switching partners” to protect themselves. They think they would be more vulnerable if they did “co-mingle” funds.

2. Do you have any advice for lesbians?
Financial infidelity comes in to play due to mistrust and intimacy issues and to an emptiness from childhood, or missing out on getting what you want or need emotionally in childhood or from the relationships that they are in now. It mirrors sibling rivalry issues that they engage in with “one-up” or to outdo your partner and to manipulate or get back at partners, or “omit” (buying something but not mentioning it to your partner), due to fear, shame, blame and abandonment about money!

3. How do your theories apply when many gay men openly choose not to be monogamous?
Gay men may have stress levels and there is a “stress gene” that is being researched now that comes from early childhood and was featured in the May 10 issue of “The Economist” that could play a part, due to their conflicting feelings about their sexual identity earlier in childhood. This stress level or gene makes them attracted to “thrill seeking” behavior and to “self-medicate” to calm down and to feel better and that has to do with financial infidelity.

Dr. Bonnie talks extensively about how this brain-body connection can promote relationship-destroying habits:

Just as an individual may turn to an illicit love affair to provide the biochemical feelings of connection and experience the thrill of a new romance, over and over again, so, too, they may turn to risky financial behavior for stimulation. Even if they stop the love affair, they may not have the self-control to stop the risky financial behavior.

The reason is that the behaviors that stimulate these feelings can easily become addictive. For instance, for any addict, the choice to self-medicate in any number of ways—with alchohol, medications, sex, or money—can begin with a desire to relieve stress or mute depression. The addiction then progresses to a preoccupation with where their next “fix” will come from, and often involves a strong desire to create rituals around obtaining the “high.” This preoccupation becomes a compulsion—to use drugs or alcohol, or to have sex, or to shop—followed by depression and despair as the effects wear off, leading to the start of the cycle all over again.

Sounds like the aftermath of a wild circuit party. That said, our relationships don’t need to be a bad trip or contain crazy dysfunctional cycles. Dr. Bonnie provides hope and help for the inevitable emotional fallout:

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love takes courage and effort.

You can buy the book online at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Or you can win the copy I’m giving away by revealing one of your naughty financial infidelities in the comments section over at Queercents. I’ll pick a winner within a couple of days.

Ten Money Questions for Donna Rose

2008-06-06T05:52:00.000-07:00

Donna Rose writes, speaks, and is an advocate for transgender and transsexual issues. Her personal memoir is called Wrapped in Blue and as one review describes, “takes on the beautiful mythic proportion of the hero’s journey.” From my perspective, Donna is probably the most recognizable face of the trans movement because of her efforts around workplace issues.

Of course, when we talk work, the topic of money naturally comes up. Transgender people face challenges in coming out and living openly. This often applies to the workplace. Donna explains how this can impact earning potential and employability.

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

Hillary Clinton relied on old money. New money won this primary season.

2008-06-04T05:58:00.000-07:00

“God bless the America we are trying to create.” – Hillary Rodham Clinton

Hillary Clinton hasn’t officially bowed out of the presidential race, but yesterday was still a sad evening in our household. The Hillary sign came down in our front yard.

I figured the neighbors might smirk if we immediately erected an Obama sign, but I wasn’t quite prepared to make the street smile with a new placard. We’ll eventually get his name out there.

In the meantime, I’m reflecting on what went wrong and early on in the race, a lot of it had to do with money. A month ago, TIME magazine indicated she had made five crucial mistakes. One happened to be that she relied on old money:

For a decade or more, the Clintons set the standard for political fund raising in the Democratic Party, and nearly all Bill’s old donors had re-upped for Hillary’s bid… But something had happened to fund raising that Team Clinton didn’t fully grasp: the Internet.

Though Clinton’s totals from working the shrimp-cocktail circuit remained impressive by every historic measure, her donors were typically big-check writers. And once they had ponied up the $2,300 allowed by law, they were forbidden to give more. The once bottomless Clinton well was drying up.

Obama relied instead on a different model: the 800,000-plus people who had signed up on his website and could continue sending money his way $5, $10 and $50 at a time. (The campaign has raised more than $100 million online, better than half its total.) Meanwhile, the Clintons were forced to tap the $100 million — plus the fortune they had acquired since he left the White House — first for $5 million in January to make it to Super Tuesday and then $6.4 million to get her through Indiana and North Carolina.

Andrew Tobias echoed the same sentiment. As treasurer of the Democratic National Committee, he’s the DNC’s highest-ranking openly gay official, I asked him if he saw money doing anything good when it came to the political process. His answer:

Sure. Politics is tacky and all the awful things it is — but you can’t have democracy without politics, and politics requires money. That said, it’s wonderful how the balance of power is shifting away from the $500,000 and $5 million contributions (now illegal) — and even the $28,500 contributions (the current annual max to a federal political party like the DNC) — to the potential for millions of $10 and $25 and $100 and $250 contributions over the Internet.

Until Hillary, I had never given money to a political candidate. So a couple of months ago Jeanine and I gave individually over the Internet after being prompted by a friend forwarding the pleas from HillaryClinton.com. After we gave, the real benefit was that we received daily emails from (wink, wink) Hillary. I actually looked forward to this communication because it was a message direct from her campaign that hadn’t been filtered and recounted by the pundits. For my 100 bucks I felt like I was in the know. It made me feel a part of something.

Obviously, Barack Obama figured this out sooner than the Hillary camp. I have to give his people credit. “Change we can believe in.” He did it with a little more than pocket change. $5, $10 and 20 bucks a pop.

So what about you? Did you give? If so, how much? And what prompted you to click the “Contribute” button? Feel free to comment over at Queercents.

In Search of Gay Money: Millionaires in the Making

2008-06-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

As gays and lesbians writing about money, we’ve grown weary of reading all the personal finance content that’s written from the perspective of straight marriages. So at Queercents, we’ve turned the tables on money and relationship advice by asking: What if all of our favorite money columnists were gay? Would their advice be more relevant to our lives?

We think the answer is yes! And as such, this is our weekly series called In Search of Gay Money where we reprint their advice by swapping out pronouns and a few other words to make it seem like everyone is queer!

Click over to Queercents to read Millionaires in the Making: Jerry Lynn and Frank Moser by David Ellis and Queercents.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day: We are Family!

2008-06-02T05:43:00.000-07:00

“The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.” – George Santayana

Today is the third annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day, where the LGBT community and allies come together in support of our families. Queercents offers a couple of posts on the topic of money & family. Here is mine:

Jeanine and I always consider ourselves to be a family. The dictionary defines family as a group of individuals living under one roof. Another word for this is household: a social unit composed of those living together in the same dwelling. We are a family.

Well, we are a family, unless we’re traveling and then this definition always trips us up. For example, on Saturday night we returned from a week trekking around Peru and as we were filling out our customs declaration form on the plane we looked at each other and asked, what are you going to put in the box marked “Number of family members traveling with you.”

As usual, we agreed on “zero” and then I start on my rampage that married people don’t even blink when this question comes up. They consider their husband or wife to be their family… no questions asked. But in the past, when we’ve tried to approach the passport control officer together – the question always comes up:

“Are you sisters?”

“No sir.”

“Are you related?”

“Well, we’re domestic partners.”

“You need to come through the line individually.”

Of course, this is after I’ve watched twenty married couples… each approaching the counter together… no questions asked. Why does this continue to infuriate me?

And what will we do when we eventually have a child? Can we all file through together? Or will Jeanine get in one line with the baby and I’ll go to another lugging the diaper bag and stroller.

It’s not just “official” government lines where we get snagged. On this particular trip, as we were trying to board our plane in Miami for Lima, Jeanine got brushed aside by the gate agent.

We were flying American Airlines, an airline I’ve flown millions of miles on and of course, I love that I have status as one of their AAdvantage Executive Platinum members. But status only carries you so far. And obviously for me, it means that Jeanine can’t tag along like other family members.

Case in point: One of the perks of membership is priority boarding. This means I can board before the masses in order to settle in and be assured room for my carryon baggage. Also, this means that Jeanine can board with me as my traveling companion / family member even though her boarding card indicates she’s been banished to Group 7.

On this particular trip, the gate agent turned Jeanine away. I was furious. It was a full flight and if she waited until her group was called there wouldn’t be any room left overhead for her rollerboard. My pleading didn’t help. I told him that she was my domestic partner and she always had been permitted to board with me. He said no and he wasn’t in any mood to entertain my debate.

So I left her behind and as soon as I got on the plane, I asked to see the first flight attendant. In my rage, I explained that if I had been a man and Jeanine was my wife; the scene would have played out differently with the ticket agent. Jeanine would have been on the plane by now with her carryon stowed. I guess my rant about their discriminatory practice carried some weight, because the attendant went out to the boarding area, called for Jeanine and escorted her onto the plane. And then we settled in to our overnight flight feeling like a family.

Yes, we are family even if sometimes we have to make a scene to prove it. In this case, I think my dollars expended as a long-term customer did most of the convincing. Hey, whatever does the trick! Still it makes me angry that I have to fight for the right of family. What about you? Please feel free to comment over at Queercents.

In Search of Gay Money: The economics of love and happiness

2008-05-27T05:25:00.000-07:00

As gays and lesbians writing about money, we’ve grown weary of reading all the personal finance content that’s written from the perspective of straight marriages.

So at Queercents, we’ve turned the tables on money and relationship advice by asking: What if all of our favorite money columnists were gay? Would their advice be more relevant to our lives? We think the answer is yes! And as such, this is our weekly series called In Search of Gay Money where we reprint their advice by swapping out pronouns and a few other words to make it seem like everyone is queer!

Click over to Queercents to read The Economics of Love and Happiness by Tyler Cowen and Queercents.

Ten Money Questions for Robyn Streisand

2008-05-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

Robyn Streisand is the Principal Management Executive of The Mixx, a full service creative agency she founded in the heart of New York City in 1996. Robyn sees the big picture with unparalleled flair, creativity, enthusiasm, sensitivity and vision.

It’s a trait that runs in the family… yes, she’s related to another well-known Streisand! Robyn’s intuition for balancing business and passion has been the key to The Mixx’s success. She opened up with us about growing her business and taking a few calculated risks to get it there. And of course, we tossed in a money question about Babs, just for the boys!

Mosey on over to Queercents to read more or catch other interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.